Segovia

It doesn't always work out how you plan - or would you like to win some tickets to Melbourne Museum?

2012-02-13T16:02:00.001+11:00

Sometimes, as much as you plan things, they just don't work out.

Such was the way with a recently planned trip to go to Melbourne Museum. I had gratefully accepted some tickets and with a small gap in the early intervention therapy schedule, had planned to dash to the museum with the Batsman one sunny morning and see the performance of "Tiddalick, the thirsty frog". We were, it seemed, all systems go.

If you read here a bit, and here, you will know that our beloved Batsman has autism. Some days he can cope with noise and crowds and lots of excitement and some days he just can't. On the morning of our planned museum trip, his anxiety levels were obvious and high. I was disappointed but knew in my heart that I couldn't risk putting him in a situation that was not going to be great for him that day. So we pulled the pin and didn't go. We had a lovely home day with books and games and dvd watching at home. And, he loved it.

So you see, I was all ready to do my Product Talk by Nuffnang and then in swooped autism anxiety. Such is life.

Luckily, we are pretty regular visitors to the museum, and I can solidly vouch for the quality of experience you will have if you take your kids there for a visit. The thoughtfulness of the layout and diversity of displays pretty much mean that however you look at it, there is something for everyone. We last visited in August 2011 and here are a couple of pics so that you can see what the Batsman got up to.

As you can see, he loves the museum and all it has to offer. Just as long as it's an autism good day, not a bad one. And well, on the bad days, a boy and his mum just gotta do what they gotta do.

Like to win 3 free adult tickets for the museum? I have 3 adult tickets (valid to June 30 2012) to give away and I am giving them all to one lucky reader, mainly because that is the simple way to do it and also because it's fun to get a posse together and go to the museum in a gang. If you would like to win, leave me a comment here before Sunday February 19 at midnight telling me a favourite place you liked to visit as a child. Also please make sure you leave me an email address so I can contact you if you win. I will mail out the tickets to the randomly picked winner. Easy peasy.

Disclaimer: I received 3 free adult entry tickets to the Melbourne Museum. I did not use them but am giving them to you (if you win)! This is part of a Product Talk by Nuffnang. Opinions are my own. I did not receive any payment for this post. The end.

Happy 5th Birthday Batsman

2012-02-08T15:33:00.000+11:00

February 8, 2007

February 8, 2008

February 8, 2009

February 8, 2010

February 8, 2011

February 8, 2012

I am emotional and filled with nostalgia.

I am in disbelief that I am the mum of a 5 year old.

Especially one as gorgeous as this.

This time 5 years ago, I had just given birth to a tiny but beautiful baby boy.

What a great joy and privilege the last 5 years have been with you my son.

You have already taught me more than I could ever hope to teach you in a lifetime.

Brave, determined, quirky, loving, pure of heart.

Happy 5th Birthday, our precious Batsman.

You completely rock my world.

We love you so much xoxo

My handwriting and a rainbow lolly cake I made

2012-02-04T21:19:00.001+11:00

Handwriting is fascinating. I bet even the most amateur of psychologists could come up with a whole lot of ~~neurotic~~ cool stuff about what mine says about me. Thanks beautiful Eden for the link opportunity.

And just for a bit of sugary goodness on a Saturday night. Here is a cake I made for a family birthday celebration that's happening tomorrow.

Have a beautiful weekend everyone.

While I wasn't here

2012-01-30T20:53:00.000+11:00

I haven't really been here. Well, I have a little. I haven't much felt like writing and I wanted to take a step back and reflect on what this blogging caper is all about...for me at least. I have not come up with anything definitive on that yet but I will let you know when I do.

I have read lots of amazing blogs over the summer break. There really is some fabulous writing and thinking going on out there and I feel very fortunate to be able to read it.

While I wasn't here we have...

played

cooked

lazed

eaten

ridden like the wind

well....almost like the wind

and we harvested, oh my how we harvested.

Our summer living and loving has been just gorgeous.

I hope it's been just as lovely for you and yours too.

This is what "after the fun run" looks like

2011-12-07T15:03:00.001+11:00

I did it and I am thrilled. These two gorgeous girls did fabulously well too.

Me and my mop, we're breaking up (and a giveaway)

2011-11-21T09:00:00.000+11:00

We were once so close, you and I.
Not so long ago, together, we loved to make those floorboards sparkle.
The winter sun would shine through the windows and not a speck of dust could be seen.
It was a magical time.
In my naivete, I thought it would never end.
I was wrong.

You and I, we made music together.
Swish, swish, swish.
If I listen in my mind, I can almost still hear it.
But that music rings a little hollow now.
The spark has gone.
I guess all good things change. Don't they?

It's so very different now, between you and I.
Since the kids came along.
The closeness we once shared has slipped away.
I find myself looking for time to be with you.
I so desperately want that sparkle, that shine.
But I have had to let it go, at least for a while.
There are other priorities in life.
The sand on the floor, the squashed sultanas, the spilled juice.
Those things don't really matter as much to me now.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that for now I have to accept we will be spending less time together.
Please understand, it's not you, it's me.
Our time will come again one day.
But for now I think we're (kind of) breaking up.
There are children who want to play with their mummy.

What is your relationship with housework? Have you broken up with your brushes? Or are you still madly in love? Love? Hate?

I received this very cute "Break up Kit" from Sabco today. It's full of no less than 9 (mostly lime green) coloured cleaning brushes and gadgets. There may have been chocolate in the kit too but.....whoops, I ate that. Being bright green, the kids were quite keen on checking out the various brushes. Little do they know, that interest may just get them a little scrubbing job helping Mummy tomorrow. *Cue evil laughter.*

Like to win one?

Visit Sabco Australia on Facebook here and "like" them
Leave a comment on Sabco's Facebook wall which answers one of the questions above about your relationship with housework.
There are 10 "Break Up Kits" to be won.

See? Simple.

Winners will be chosen by Sabco on Friday November 27 based on creativity and interest.

Heart image We Heart It

Light in his eyes

2011-11-13T21:41:00.001+11:00

Have a look at my big boy.

Pay particular attention to the light in his eyes.

Pay attention too, to the smile.

He is, for the most part, becoming more confident in himself.

He has learnt stuff, he can communicate about it, he has the capability to learn so many more things.

He KNOWS he has that capability.

That's where the light and the smile come from. The knowledge of his own potential.

This place, the Learning for Life Autism Centre have played a major role in giving our big boy that gift.

They do amazing work.

The work they do costs a fortune to deliver to children like the Batsman so Learning for Life raise funds to try to ensure that kids who need autism early intervention therapy get it.

Leonda by the Yarra is a stunning function centre by the Yarra River in Melbourne.

Next week, Learning for Life will hold their annual fundraising ball there.

Leonda have generously offered ONE DOLLAR to Learning for Life for every new Facebook "liker", Twitter follower, and LinkedIn connection for the whole of November.

So, all you have to do is click on the links above and make those social media connections and you have done something in the here and now to support children with autism to be all they can be and know it.

Thank you.

12WBT Week 7 - the one where I forgot to post completely

2011-11-13T21:20:00.001+11:00

There are not enough hours in the day are there?
Many a blogging hour is spent in the gym these days so I forgot to post this week. Whoopsy.

Suffice to say, I love it.
I am loving this change of lifestyle.
I love it that people are giving me compliments on my weight loss.
I love it that I can go to a ball this Friday night and wear a dress that only a few months ago was a dream.
I love it that I am lighter on my feet.
Love. Love. Love.

Weight loss November 2 - November 13 - 1.9kgs
Weight loss since April 2011 - 15.9kgs

Oh and I love the Eiffel Tower too, that's why that picture is there.

Image via We Heart It

12WBT Week 6 - the quick one

2011-11-04T16:21:00.000+11:00

www.weheartit.com

I am running so far behind with blog posts these days so this one shall be short and sweet.

Weight loss from October 26th to November 2nd = 1.6kg
Weight loss from April 14, 2011 - 14kg

Woot. Woot.

It has begun, the dance of the popit and the hipsy

2011-11-04T15:54:00.000+11:00

They adore each other these two.
As each of their language skills develops they are beginning to have conversations with each other.
It's a whole new world for them.
Hilariously entertaining.
Most of the time, I know what they are talking about and the conversations cover topics like "how are you Batsman?, I'm good Bowler, how are you?" and "where's mummy? ummmmmm, she's in the laundry" and "can I have some of your sultanas please Bowler? nope".

These past few weeks, it has begun.
That secret language between siblings where the parents have no freaking idea what some of the words mean.
It's their code.
And it is oh so very funny. There are giggles and smiles all round when the secret words make an appearance.

So if anyone out there can help me out and tell me....

what "popit" is and why daddy's gone to get some and....
what it means when someone is "hipsy".

I'd be ever so grateful.

Have your children made up some great words? Share them with me!

12WBT Week 5 - the one where I get my run on

2011-10-29T07:00:00.000+11:00

I'm excited this week. I have started to run. I have been able to run further and for longer than I ever have before. It's hurt a little bit along the way but largely it feels amazing to be moving like this. I have entered a fun run in December - my first ever. It's a 5km run along the water in Melbourne and I am excited and nervous about doing it. This week's training, in particular the Friday session where I completed the 5km on the treadmill has shown me that I can do it. I am beginning to see that running is a lot about the mind toughness and knowing in your heart you CAN do it. Sure you have to look after your body and at 42 years of age I am going to be prone to those niggly little injuries that come with "maturity" but I am starting to see what is possible by reducing my weight and increasing my fitness.

This week has also brought a much needed family holiday here. We are staying on a lovely farm on the most gorgeous country road. It sounds cliched but peace and serenity abound. I found the gym in Bright and I have been once but with scenery like we have here, it was time to take the training regime outside. There is nothing like making it up a huge hill and being rewarded with a view that stretches for miles of lush green farm land, cows grazing and kookaburras laughing at you. I haven't weighed in this week. There was just no room in the car for a set of scales. So I don't know whether I have lost weight. What I know is that I have stayed within my calorie limits, I have exercised and been active around the farm with the boys and I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time. And that can only be a great thing.

The week's workouts:

Thursday 20th - Gym (strength session)
Friday 21st - Gym (cardio session - 5km run/walk completed in 41 minutes)
Saturday 22nd - Gym (strength, cardio and core) = 800 calories burned
Sunday 23rd - Rest day and travelling to our holiday destination
Monday 24th - Gym (fitness session) - more running and feeling good
Tuesday 25th - Outdoor run - 3km and hill sprints (ouch)
Wednesday 26th- Walk - 4km (including hills)

Weight loss from October 19th to October 26th - ?
Weight loss from April 14, 2011 - 12.4kg

I have fallen in love...

2011-10-28T08:45:00.001+11:00

...with this place. We have been on a family holiday this past five days. A farmstay holiday. It has been one of the best holidays I have ever had. Blissfully peaceful. Food for the soul. But it's drawing to a close and we must head for home. I don't want to. I've fallen in love. There are more posts on this magical place coming in the days ahead. I have lots to share. I had better go and pack our bags. Sigh. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Melbourne Symphony Orchestra, autism style

2011-10-24T16:10:00.001+11:00

The Batsman and I were very lucky to be invited to go and see Classic Kids 3: Clowning Around with Melvin Tix on this Saturday just past. The performance was part of the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra's "Family Classic Kids" program which aims to introduce kids to the delights of instruments and music. I was so very keen for us to go to the concert (and take along the Batsman's best friend in the whole wide world, the Curly Haired Girl) but I was nervous at the same time given the Batsman's fairly regular episodes of extreme sensitivity to sound. Our Batsman loves music and so this opportunity was way too good to pass up. Sometimes you have to travel through a bit of a storm to get to the really amazing experience of a rainbow on the other side.

Lasting about forty five minutes, the performance of the orchestra gave children an amazing, close up experience with a full orchestra in an acoustically perfect auditorium. Wow. The genius in the performance is that friendly clown "Melvin Tix" is also the conductor, a fellow musician, balloon artist and all round funny (but gentle) leader of the show. His presence gave the children a pathway down which they could travel to find out about all the components of an orchestra. Intelligent, Accessible. Child-friendly. Fun.

When the full orchestra first played, the Batsman said "Mummy, it's too loud for me". The music coming from the orchestra was beautiful but yes, intense. Out of my handbag came the trusty headphones which he wore faithfully for the duration. They don't block the sound, they just reduce it so he was still able to hear and participate fully in the performance, albeit with a little less intensity for his ears. This was the very first time we had used the headphones and they worked a treat. The audience size is small so it really worked for the Batsman from an autism point of view, he wasn't overwhelmed by a huge crowd and there was the option of sitting right up close or a little further away. He also had the Curly Haired Girl by his side like she has been since they were both six weeks old.

Here's us at the MSO, autism style.

We have headphones!

Melvin Tix and the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra

Conducting the orchestra with Melvin.

Bravo! Applause all round.

I'm just so glad we took the chance (and the headphones) and did it.

Disclosure:

1) I received tickets for 2 adults and 2 kids to attend the performance as the guests of the MSO. The Batsman and the Curly Haired Girl loved the performance so I am writing about it. I also wanted families of kids with ASD to see that this is potentially an accessible, child friendly entertainment experience.

2) My photos are a little bit dodgy because I left the camera at home. Enter smartphone.

12WBT Week 4 - The one where the bullets hit the bin

2011-10-19T15:09:00.000+11:00

I sabotaged myself this week. At least a little.

I still trained 6 days out of 7. I am beginning to run for longer stretches without stopping. I still ate well. I measured and I have lost 11cm off my hips and 7cm off my waist since 12WBT started. I still lost weight.

What undoubtedly kicked in this week was some complacency. I have, over many years, been very good at "mindless" eating. You know what I am talking about. Mindless eating is where I put food in my mouth without thinking, without measuring, without working out if I am really hungry or just bored/emotional/sugar addicted or whatever. The more I have thought about this the more I can see that it is almost like a reflex, it's automatic and this week, I told myself that I was doing so well and I let it creep in again. A piece of the kid's toast here, a swipe or two of the dip the kids are eating, a handful of chocolate bullets there. I have often used that kind of eating to "treat" myself to help me get through the crazy days we often have over here at "autism central". Does it make me happy? No. Does it help me stick to the program? No. Does it help me achieve the results I ultimately want? No.

So here I am, outing myself and my sneaky eating and declaring that it will stop.

And here are the chocolate bullets hitting the bin.

Oh and in the interests of my record keeping, here is what I did this week.

Thursday 13th - Gym (fitness session)
Friday 14th - Gym (aerobic circuit workout class. Trust me it hurt. Lots of running.)
Saturday 15th - Gym (strength, cardio and core) = 800 calories burned
Sunday 16th - Walked around Albert Park Lake for SIDS and Kids
Monday 17th - Gym (fitness session) at 6am and circuit class at 9am = 900 calories burned
Tuesday 18th - Gym (strength session)
Wednesday 19th- Gym circuit class and run (500 calories burned) and an evening pilates class.

Weight loss from October 12th to October 19th - 0.8kg
Weight loss from April 14, 2011 - 12.4kg

Go well this week one and all.

12WBT Week 3 - Keep calm and Zumba

2011-10-13T15:45:00.000+11:00

I have loved the 12WBT program this week. Something shifted in my brain and I am finding that as each day passes I am becoming more addicted to exercise and being active than I previously thought possible. I even gave Zumba a crack, you know, just to see what it was like. It was fun but I found that even in doing all of the moves at a pretty intense pace I couldn't get my heart rate above 130 and subsequently I got nowhere near the bang for my buck that I had expected of Zumba. I think for now I am going to stick with my tried and tested gym workouts and circuit classes. My body shape is changing noticeably now which feels amazing. Oh yes, I really am starting to sound like one of those exercise junkies!

The other big thing I have decided this week is that I am going to enter my first fun run in December. I'm terrified about this but determined in equal measure so I reckon that might get me through it. That and a little bit of training.

And for my records, this is what I did this week:

Thursday 6th - Gym (strength session) & Zumba class
Friday 7th - Gym (fitness session)
Saturday 8th - Gym circuit class (strength, cardio and core) plus huge walk = 1000 calories burned
Sunday 9th - Rest day (had a massage which was much needed)
Monday 10th - Gym (fitness session) at 6am and circuit class at 9am = 900 calories burned
Tuesday 11th - Gym (strength)
Wednesday 12th- Gym circuit class and an evening pilates class.

Diet: I have begun using a calorie counting app and that has helped me so much with keeping track of what goes in my mouth. Every time I think of something I would like to eat, I look up the calories and think it through. No cheating!

Weight loss from October 5th to October 12th - 0.9kg
Weight loss from April 14, 2011 - 11.6kg

PS: When I can stay awake past 8pm I promise I will write a post about something else.

Image from We Heart It

12WBT Week 2 - things that make you go hmmmmm

2011-10-05T15:40:00.000+11:00

I haven't blogged about anything else here on Segovia since my last 12WBT post. My exercise regime of getting up at 5:30am to hit the gym has meant that I am falling asleep on the couch before I have a chance to think about writing any other late night blog posts. Still, I feel good. I feel energised for much of my day and the high I experience when I arrive home from the gym post workout at 7am is slowly but surely becoming addictive.

The scales don't really tell the story I would like them to tell this week. I hopped on this morning and would you believe my weight has stayed exactly the same this week? Yes, that's right, no gain, no loss. Hmmmmmmmm.

This is what I did this week:
Thursday 29th - Gym (fitness session)
Friday 30th - Gym (fitness and strength session)
Saturday 1st - Gym circuit class (strength, cardio and core)
Sunday 2nd - Rest day (although I did do a big walk with the boys and the pram)
Monday 3rd - Gym cross trainer and treadmill (fitness)
Tuesday 4th - Gym cross trainer and weight work (fitness and strength); 2 hour walk pushing the pram
Wednesday 5th- Gym (fitness session)

Diet: I stuck to the 1200 calories per day every day except one. Saturday was Grand Final day here in Melbourne and I did have a glass of champagne and some potato chips. But that has been my only slip this week.
Weight loss from September 28th to October 5th - 0kg
Weight loss from April 14, 2011 - 10.7kg

I'm not disappointed with the no loss/no gain scenario, oh hell, maybe I am, but more than anything I am puzzled. I know that some weeks are better than others and I know this can happen but I just thought with all the hard work I would get a little better weight reward than this. Sigh.

Not having the result this week does make me more determined to get a good one at the next weigh in though. Wish me luck and if you have any theories on the no loss/no gain then I am all ears.

12WBT Week 1

2011-09-28T21:40:00.000+10:00

The 12WBT program began only two days ago but already I can say that I love it.
I love the additional motivation that comes from being "part of something".
I love the advice on diet and exercise.
I love knowing I am accountable to the program. Having to track my weight loss and never wanting to be the "bad girl" is highly motivating for me.

The biggest breakthrough for me has been the power that comes from treating my exercise like an appointment and scheduling a week's exercise in advance. That is making the biggest difference for me in not allowing me to talk myself out of it when the going is tough and busy here at home.

So here is what my week looked like:
Tuesday 20th - Gym cross trainer & stair runs (cardio)
Wednesday 21st - Gym circuit class (strength) and pilates (core)
Thursday 22nd - Rest day
Friday 23rd - Gym cross trainer & treadmill (cardio); power walk (on the way to the footy!)
Saturday 24th - Gym circuit class (strength)
Sunday 25th - Gym (12WBT fitness test)
Monday 26th - Gym cross trainer and treadmill (cardio)
Tuesday 27th - Gym cross trainer and treadmill (cardio and fitness)
Wednesday 28th - Gym 12WBT strength workout
Diet - My nutrition has been good, lots of fresh salads and protein. The sugar cravings are a little overwhelming and I have succumbed a few times. I have tried to make up for this by burning more calories in my workouts but I have to come up with a way to control my sugar habit! I am pretty sure sugar is going to be a common theme for me through this program.

Weight loss from September 19th - September 28th - 1.2 kilograms

Weight loss from April 14th, 2011 (beginning of weight loss road) to today - 10.7 kilograms.

Go me!

Image from We Heart It

How to make passionfruit curd in your thermomix

2011-09-22T15:51:00.000+10:00

We have had the glut of all passionfruit gluts at our house these past months. We have literally had hundreds of these gorgeous juicy creatures falling off the vine. I have made cakes, muffins, jam, sauce and syrup with them but by far the staple recipe we have used is one for passionfruit curd.

I have mentioned before about Mr Thermomix coming to visit at our place, on loan only at this stage. This machine is amazing and the amount of things I can cook in reduced time is astounding. Passionfruit (or lemon) curd in the Thermomix is too simple for words. I made a batch on the weekend so I thought I would show you in pictures because the colour is glorious.

Passionfruit Curd
Thermomix recipe (recipe from here)

2 eggs, beaten lightly
1/3 cup caster sugar
1 tblsp lemon juice
¼ cup passionfruit pulp, (about 3 passionfruit )
60g butter, chopped coarsely

Insert butterfly into bowl. Add all ingredients.

Cook for 8 mins/80C/speed 3. Use steamer basket on top of lid instead of the measuring cup.

Check to see if mixture coats back of a spoon, if not cook for a further 2-3 mins or until desired consistency is achieved. (I didn’t need any longer).

Place in a small sterilised jar and chill until thickened. It lasts 4 or 5 days in the fridge.

Stove-top recipe

Combine ingredients in a small heatproof bowl, place over a small saucepan of simmering water, stir constantly until mixture thickens slightly and coats the back of a spoon. Remove from the heat.
Cover tightly and refrigerate until cold.
Passionfruit curd is yummy served in any number of ways

with meringues and berries
spooned into little tart cases
sandwiching a sponge together
straight from the bowl (my favourite).

I was hankering after cake when I made this batch of curd so I made this buttercake (recipe halved because it is a huge cake). After it was all mixed up and in the baking tin, I swirled through a liberal amount of the passionfruit curd.

Then I baked it as per the recipe. The result? A light but super moist cake with the unmistakeable yum-ness of passionfruit. We ate it with a dollop of extra curd on top.

Needless to say....the cake didn't last longer than a day! I heart you Thermomix! The End.

12WBT pre-season

2011-09-20T14:19:00.000+10:00

There will be no eating real ones but these are sweet! We Heart It.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I am just about to embark on the Michelle Bridges / Huggies 12 Week Body Transformation. Yikes! We kick off next week and so this week there have been a few tasks to complete in preparation. I have set some personal goals, made sure all my gear is ready to go (I still need to buy a heart rate monitor), cleaned much of the naughty food out of the cupboards and fridge and watched all of Michelle's podcasts. The slightly scary bit will be the measuring and taking photos of the "before" body.

One of the really important things that Michelle suggests is diarising your exercise and training program so that it really becomes another appointment to attend....like a meeting or a doctor's appointment. I know that if I have the conversation with myself about "will I or won't I get up early and go to the gym?", the won't sometimes might win out. If it is scheduled and in the diary there is little to no wriggle room for me to get out of it!

So this past week I scheduled my exercise and it's made a big difference to my approach (see my training program below). I have been exercising 3 - 4 times per week and watching my food for about 5 months now and in that time have managed to shed around 9 kilograms. There is still 8 kilograms to go to reach my goal weight so I am on the road and I am aiming for the 12WBT to be a big new challenge and motivator for me to achieve that goal by Christmas. Fortunately there are other lovely bloggy people on the road with me for support and encouragement. We will all need that.

I am going to blog weekly (on a Wednesday) so that I can keep a public track of my results. Having all of you to report into each week will be extra incentive too. So, here are this weeks results and training:

Monday 12th - Gym circuit class
Tuesday 13th - Gym cross trainer (cardio)
Wednesday 14th - Gym circuit class (morning) and pilates (evening)
Thursday 15th - Rest day
Friday 16th - Gym cross trainer (cardio)
Saturday 17th - Gym circuit (self directed)
Sunday 18th - Gym treadmill (cardio)
Monday 19th - Gym cross trainer (morning) and clinical pilates (evening)

Diet - pretty balanced; lots of sugar cravings and a couple of small break outs of a slice of cake and some chocolate
Weight loss from September 12th - September 19th - 1.8 kilograms
Weight loss from April 14th, 2011 (beginning of weight loss road) to today - 9.5 kilograms

I am thrilled to say the least. Bring it Michelle and 12WBT!

Beautiful Sunday

2011-09-18T22:08:00.000+10:00

It has been a beautiful Sunday.
It has been such a lovely day that I feel wistfully sad that it is coming to an end.

There was a (small) sleep in.
A visit to the gym.
A slow and yummy breakfast for the boys.
Sunshine.
Playground.
Passionfruit curd was made (post on that coming soon).
A cake was baked.
Sunday newspapers.
Washing folded.
Saffron risotto for dinner followed by chocolate custard with home preserved cherries from summer.
A visit from the grandparents.
Household admin ticked off the list.
A lovely cup of tea made in a pot.

See, I told you it was a gorgeous day. Simple and family focused. It was great to feel spring in the air and have nowhere to be but together.

I hope that you had a beautiful Sunday too. Share with me?

Image from We Heart It

On customer service

2011-09-17T22:30:00.000+10:00

I am often disappointed by customer service. A lot of the time it is as if those in businesses have forgotten the true meaning of the term. I have had customer service experiences in the last few months where I could have sworn that the so-called customer service representative truly thought they were doing me a huge favour by sauntering over to the register to take my money. That said, I do have some really positive customer service experiences in my world, but often they tend to be relationships that are built over time rather than exceptional one off consumer experiences.

This past week I had a great experience.

Back in July when I went to the "Blogopolis" conference, at one of the events we were given a voucher to redeem a free diary or calendar from Mooo. I love me a freebie and we do own a few Mooo products over here at the Pavillion so I was fairly quick to log in to Mooo and redeem my freebie. Some time passed and I realised the lovely red diary I had chosen had not arrived. Hmmmmmm.

I sent an email to enquire to Mooo's customer service team at 4:45pm last Tuesday and at 4:51pm the same day received an apologetic reply for the glitch with my order and a promise to ensure the diary would get to me quickly. Yes, it took only 6 minutes for a reply. You have to love that.

My diary arrived express 36 hours later. Wow. That's what I call great customer service.
This is not the actual diary, but it looks a little like this:

Image from Mooo

Thanks Mooo. Oh, and if you would like some freebie school holiday fun courtesy of Mooo, go here. Mooo are celebrating their 5th birthday and so there are loads of free printables available for all kinds of creative fun with the kids. Happy printing!

Disclaimer: This post was completely unsolicited and represents my personal opinion. I received the free diary as a result of my participation in a Blogopolis blogger gathering.

R U OK?

2011-09-15T22:31:00.001+10:00

I am running a little bit behind schedule this week.
So at 10pm, with a couple of hours left of R U OK? day to go, here I am. Late to what would appear to have been a successful campaign. I saw yellow everywhere on my social media streams today, and that has to be a good thing.

I asked a couple of people today. And yes, I am clear that they are both ok.
A couple of my lovely friends asked me whether I am ok too.
It felt good to be asked and it felt even better to be able to answer with a clear yes.
In the last year, my answer would not always have been yes. As I have struggled with the Batsman's diagnosis and a house full of therapists nearly every day, there have been highs and some devastating lows.
I feel like I am standing a little more in the sunshine this past couple of months. I can feel it on my cheeks.

I am ok. Really. I am ok.

Wordless Wednesday - want

2011-09-14T14:52:00.000+10:00

My bum (Part II) and the Michelle Bridges 12WBT

2011-09-12T22:12:00.000+10:00

I wrote a little while ago about my ~~bum~~ growing keen attitude to exercise. In the last few weeks as my dodgy ankle came to the fore I fell off the wagon a little bit. Three to four gym visits a week had become one to two and combined with overly enthusiastic tasting of the goodies I baked for the kinder fete....well you get where this is going and what it means for my bum.

It is time to take things up a notch and while my ankle won't allow me to do the boot camp I was planning, I have found a substitute which I think may be even better. The Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation (12WBT) is an online program where everything you need to get off your butt and achieve your goals is provided - eating plans, exercise programs, motivation tapes, forums to get support from others - all of it and run by Michelle Bridges of Biggest Loser kudos.

So I have signed up.

I'm a little bit scared.
I'm a lot excited, particularly about achieving my goals.

I plan to work hard.
I am committed to losing another 7 - 10 kilograms by the end of this year.
I am going to be tough on myself about following the program and the rules.

And I won't be on my own. Loads of other mums have signed up for a 12WBT being run by Michelle via the Huggies website - a mum specific program designed to support mums with all the distractions of kids to achieve their fitness and health goals. There is also at least one other person I know who is going on the ride too. The very gorgeous Sarah from Ah, the possibilities is doing it too. Good luck Sarah, and hey, at least we know we can kick each other's backsides via the blogosphere should it become motivationally necessary!

I am going to blog updates on my progress along the way and would love your support and if necessary, a virtual kick up the butt to keep me going.

Wish me luck! We start on September 26.

Grateful for kinder community and how to make butterscotch buttons

2011-09-09T20:57:00.000+10:00

Our kindergarten fete is tomorrow.

It is the biggest day of the year on our fundraising calendar. Huge.

An amazing array of goodies and activities will keep our local community entertained and raising money for four whole hours. This afternoon I went to the kinder to deliver my baking contributions and the place was buzzing with preparations and life - plants, cakes, jumping castle, farm animals, books, white elephant, craft, country market, show bags, auction, second hand toys, barbecue, coffee stand and more. It really is extraordinary and all from the 80 families who make up our lovely kinder community.

I'm grateful to be part of it and for my kids to have the opportunity of a day of fun in their neighbourhood. Thanks Maxabella for hosting our gorgeous gratitude fest too.

I have had a bit of a bakefest this week in preparation for the fete.
On my baking schedule have been passionfruit shortbread, muesli cookies, chocolate macaroons and cupcakes. I have also made lemon cordial, jars of preserved lemons and lemon and ginger marmalade with the abundance of lemons that have come from my parent's tree this year.

And there were also these little lovelies. Butterscotch buttons. They are so easy and so yummy I thought I would share the recipe with you. It comes from a Women's Weekly cookbook (circa 1991) called "Sweet Old Fashioned Favourites".

Butterscotch Buttons.

Butterscotch buttons (left) & passionfruit shortbread (right)

125g butter
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
1/2 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
1 tablespoon golden syrup
1 and 1/4 cups of self raising flour

Beat butter, vanill, sugar and golden syrup in small bowl with electric mixer until light and fluffy. Stir in sifted flour. Roll 2 level teaspoons of mixture into a ball, place about 5cm apart on lined baking trays. Flatten balls slightly with a fork. Bake in slow (150 degrees C) about 25 minutes or until firm. Cool on wire rack. Makes about 40 buttons. Can be stored for a week in an airtight container.

Happy weekend everyone and thanks for being here.

Girl time

2011-09-06T20:35:00.000+10:00

I had some girl time last night.

There were three of us.

We met at a little suburban Japanese place, after all the kids had ~~started giving their dads the run around~~ gone to bed.

We ate sushi and tempura.

We chatted, compared notes, laughed, shared stories and debated a couple of life's dilemmas.

It was lovely.

In the end, we were the last ones left in the restaurant and the waiter, doubling as clean-up guy, turned on the vaccuum cleaner. It was time to go. We stood on the street in the cold, still talking ten to the dozen. The shopping strip let us down. On a Monday night, there wasn't even a dodgy little bar open for coffee and a little more conversation. Booooooooooo!

There is not enough girl time in my life. There will be more.

I am hereby promising myself that.

An anonymous guest post: my friend has a new boyfriend

2011-09-04T21:48:00.000+10:00

Tonight, I have an anonymous guest post for you. The post comes from a fellow blogger, who, for reasons which will become obvious as you read it, was unwilling to post this on her own blog. In my view, moral dilemmas make for great blogging so read away and leave some words of wisdom for Anonymous as she tackles this issue.

My friend has a new boyfriend.

I should be happy for her, I should be keen to have them over and to check him out.

But I am not. I am not happy for her, I don't want to meet him.

The relationship started 12 months ago, he is married, with two primary aged children. At the beginning he told her he would never leave his wife and family, he would never hurt them. His marriage was actually pretty great and he didn't want his children to suffer the consequences from a broken marriage.

I suggested she end it. I thought she had, but clearly she just hid it from me instead, knowing I didn't approve.

A few weeks ago he set himself up with a new apartment, changed jobs and then went home and told his wife he didn't love her anymore. He left. Into the arms of my friend, close to 20 years younger than he and his wife.

Imagine.

Apparently the wife is not taking it very well, and being "really difficult".

So here is my dilemma.

Relationships come and go, marriages break up, people fall in love.

Am I being childish? Should I at least meet him, without the voice in my head screaming, "you are a grubby, shit of a husband who treated your wife like crap and left her for the first piece of tight available arse you could get."

Should I be happy for my friend and not judge her as a 'home-wrecker'?

Is it right to be annoyed on behalf of a woman I have never met and don't know?

Am I being all moral high ground-ish? Or, am I right to think that my friend is not displaying traits I want in a friend, she isn't really gaining any respect from anyone and why should I pretend to like this new man, who I think is pretty scummy?

When you lose respect for a friend, can you maintain the friendship?

Grateful, happy 2nd birthday Segovia and you get to do the giving

2011-09-02T15:30:00.000+10:00

It's two years ago today that I began to write this blog.

Happy bloggy birthday to me. Happy second birthday Segovia, my little corner of the internet where I began to write for me again, to put into words what moves and inspires me and to capture moments in the lives of our boys and the experience of being their mum. Segovia began slowly and intermittently and it has taken time to get into a blogging groove. Now, I couldn't imagine life without this little space, without my other blog, The I Love You Song where I tell the Batsman's autism story and without the amazingly gorgeous people I have connected with through blogging.
Thank you for being here. I love it.

I love it too, that people mark blogging milestones and birthdays. One year, ten years, one hundred posts or a thousand, it is a wonderful thing to mark the achievement, the words put down, the self expression, the connections - all of it. Lots of people having blog birthdays manage to arrange fabulous giveaways and the like to celebrate. I have not been anywhere near organised enough to achieve that however I want to turn the idea completely on it's head.

It's Segovia's birthday and you get to do the giving. Stay with me and I will get to the point.

I have written before of how grateful I am for this place. The Learning for Life Autism Centre provide the Batsman's home based early intervention program and have done so day in day out for almost eighteen months. The program and therapy team have made an extraordinary difference in all aspects of the Batsman's development and Learning for Life deliver the program with compassion, expertise, grace and respect. I am just so very grateful for all they have done and continue to do to support our precious boy.

Each year in November, Learning for Life hold a huge fundraising ball to raise money. Early intervention programs of this magnitude and intensity cost big bucks and are beyond the financial reach of most families. In addition to their therapy programs, Learning for Life and their volunteers fundraise to subsidise the cost of programs for families who would otherwise be unable to provide this type of intervention for their child.

So here is where you come in.

As part of the Learning for Life Ball each year there is a live auction and a silent auction where an amazing array of donated goodies fall under the auctioneer's hammer. If you, or someone you know, is in a position to donate an item, goods or a service for the auction, then I would love to hear from you. So far, I have gathered donated items as diverse as a professional architecture service package worth $3000, a grove of semi-mature trees ready to plant, cases of wine, a hamper of deli goods and gift cards from big department stores. The only real provisos are that the item or service would need to be redeemable in Melbourne, Australia and be something that you can imagine a crowd of some 350 enthusiastic ball-goers would be willing to bid for. Think big, think small - it could be anything!

If you are able to donate an auction item and help a child with autism receive a program just like the one that is helping the Batsman be all he can be, leave me a comment below with details and I will email you.

Thanks so much for reading this and helping me celebrate Segovia's bloggy birthday.

Have an amazing weekend.

Let me know if there's anything I can do

2011-08-31T02:57:00.001+10:00

I hear that statement a lot. The offer of "let me know if there's anything I can do" is one which gets thrown about a fair bit in our society. Sometimes I wonder though, how often the offer actually comes to fruition. How often does the recipient of the offer actually take it up and ask for the help they need?

I am someone who finds it difficult to take people up on this kind of generosity. It's not that I don't want the help, it's just that I find myself thinking about other people having busy lives and not wanting to impose on someone else's time.

I make the offer fairly regularly too. But it is rare, probably for much the same reasons, for people to take me up on it. Hmmmmm. It's perplexing this kind of generosity and kindness isn't it? It requires a directness and a willingness to say "yes please, I need your help".

Well tonight, it happened. I have made an offer of help a few times to a special person I know.

Tonight she needed some help. She called in the favour I had so willingly offered. I delievered.

It felt good. I hope it helped. I think it did.

Do you say to people "let me know if there's anything I can do"? Do they take you up on it?
Are you a graceful recipient of someone else's offer of assistance?

Image from We Heart It

Grateful for bloggy friends

2011-08-27T02:33:00.001+10:00

Autism kicked my butt today. Anxiety and meltdowns were the order of the day for precious eldest. It was a tough afternoon with little rhyme or reason.

So often now, my online life is the place I go to for solace and comfort. I went there tonight. I blogged and I tweeted. Those bloggy friends, those connections forged through great gals being willing to read what I share and to share with me, they came in numbers to comfort, encourage, make me smile, share and empathise. Lucky me.

There are great supportive people in my real life too, it's just not as easy to connect, to share what's going on, to ask for help. Our online presence has certainly changed the way we do connection don't you think?

So this week's grateful shout out goes to those beautiful bloggy friends who cheer me on so consistently.

You know who you are.

Know that I am grateful.

PS: Thank you to all of you who read here. I love it that you are willing to read what I write. In case you didn't know, I write a blog exclusively about the Batsman's autism journey over here at The I Love You Song. I'd love you to follow me there too if you are so inclined.

PPS: Thanks Maxabella for the Grateful link up.

To sir with love on Daffodil Day

2011-08-26T15:43:00.000+10:00

He was thirty seven years old when he died.
Cancer claimed him quickly.
He had six months from diagnosis to death.
Lightning speed to live out the last days of your life.

He was my teacher at high school. He taught maths mainly.
He had a sense of the goofy about him. His enthusiasm was infectious.
An easy laugh and a keen sense of humour made him popular school wide.
Kids loved to learn from him and he instilled respect as readily as he taught calculus.

It was coaching volleyball that he really came into his own.
Throughout my high school days, he was coach and volleyball mentor.
He wasn't a gifted volleyball player himself. In fact his regular awkwardness afforded many a team giggle.
But my oh my he could coach. Motivate, teach, push, direct, inspire.

With school days over, we continued to play volleyball together.
The team was a mixed bunch of ex-students, teachers and housemates.
Success was varied but we had the time of our lives playing each week.
The game regularly followed up by a parma and pot at the local pub afterwards.

His cancer diagnosis was devastating to many.
Fit, strong, non-smoker. It made no sense.
There is no reason in the cancer and young person combination.
None.

I spent many hours with him in the last weeks of his life.
Thin, weak, barely able to eat a lemonade icypole.
His attitude remained defiant to the end.
One of the hardest things was watching his ageing parents shrink with the knowledge that they were going to outlive their beloved son.

There were hundreds at his funeral.
Tears and roses.
They played "To Sir with Love".
Students in school uniform formed a guard of honour.

The words that have stayed with me since that day are worth sharing here, penned by another of his mourning friends:

The pain is over.
A muscular frame.
One so fit, fluid and full of sun.
Bent, angular, tormented.
Sparkling glances that warmed and wooed.
A wide eyed knowing spare.
Pleading yet defiant.
Incomprehensible courage.
I shall carry the message of our friendship into the future.
Our laughter shall ring in the ears of the next children.

Garry, beautiful Garry.
Know that you are loved and remembered nineteen years on.
Your battle inspired and touched so many.
Proudly donating to the Daffodil Day appeal in your honour today

Buttermilk and chocolate chip muffins

2011-08-25T21:46:00.000+10:00

I am utterly obsessed with baking at the moment.

The coldness of this winter in Melbourne has inspired me to spend a lot of time by the warmth of my oven.

I have baked and baked and then baked some more. Cupcakes, loaves, biscuits, muffins, tarts.

It was a windy old day here today and we spent most of the day inside while the Batsman recuperated from his winter ills. With the Bowler off enjoying a day at child care, a baking opportunity presented itself.

I often search through cook books and magazines for recipes to try and increasingly, the internet.

Today I found this gem of a recipe and it was so fabulous I thought I would share it.

Buttermilk and Chocolate Chip Muffins (recipe adapted from here)

220g of sifted self raising flour

1/2 cup of vegetable oil

3/4 cup of buttermilk (or regular milk)

1/2 - 3/4 cup of caster sugar

1 egg, lightly beaten

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

150g chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 180 degrees celcius.

Line a 12 cup muffin tin with large paper cases.

Mix dry ingredients together and make a well.

Mix all wet ingredients together and pour into the well.

Add chocolate chips and mix well until just combined. Don't overmix the batter.

Divide mixture between the 12 muffin cases.

Bake in the oven for 15 - 20 minutes.

Devour!

All kinds of flavour combinations are possible with this basis muffin mix. Substitute the chocolate chips for 150g of other flavourings. Next on my list to try are:

Pear and ginger.

White chocolate and raspberry.

Grated apple and cinnamon.

Banana and passionfruit.

Mango and coconut.

Grated orange rind and chocolate chip.

Mmmmmmmmmm.

Sorry. Is my obsession showing?

Wordless Wednesday - I'm two years old, what of it?

2011-08-24T08:22:00.001+10:00

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Cake Creations - August

2011-08-23T19:43:00.000+10:00

Butter, sugar, flour, eggs. Love.

This is not my bum (Disclaimer)

2011-08-22T02:27:00.001+10:00

Disclaimer: This is not my bum

I’m not quite sure how it has happened.

I have managed to get myself a little bit addicted to exercise.

For at least three times a week over the last few months I have trudged down to the gym to do a gym circuit class while the Batsman does a therapy session and the Bowler cools his happy heels in the leisure centre’s occasional child care. The circuit classes are a mix of cardio and strength work and that has been a happy combination for me that has not only seen me lose over nine kilograms but also achieve gains in strength, flexibility of my weary old bones and muscles and overall fitness. The others in the class are primarily women my age and older so it’s a comfortable place to be and I know that if I turn up, do what the instructor says and work hard that I have done well.

But the biggest gain in all of the exercise for me has been its impact on my mental health. The mornings I exercise are the days I cope the best with the demands of two small children, the running of the house and the Batsman’s hectic therapy schedule. The post exercise endorphins last all day. It is amazing. I am happier, more energetic, less anxious and am beginning to feel so much better about myself, my appearance and buying clothes that are a couple of sizes smaller.

It wasn’t easy at the start. Convincing myself to get to the gym on days when I just wanted to curl up on the couch with tea and chocolate biscuits was hard work but the perseverance has been worth it. Step by step by step. It’s all any of us can do.

And now I have enrolled to do a fitness challenge camp aka boot camp for six weeks. Six weeks of three mornings a week at 6am for 1 hour, most of it outdoors. Utterly terrifying. But I feel like, all things considered, I am ready to take the next step. I want to push my fitness to the next level and drop some more weight. I have about six or seven kilos still to lose to reach my goal weight. Go, me!

What do you do to push yourself to exercise? Have you ever become addicted to something that is good for you?

Postscript: Since I wrote this post, my ankle has decided to take on a distinct level of dodginess (technical term, you understand) and it is looking like I may have to postpone the boot camp for a few months. I am hereby promising, where you can all read it, to continue the fitness work, albeit in a slightly lower impact, less ankle injuring fashion.

Image via We Heart It

Stay at home mummy guilt

2011-08-20T02:48:00.003+10:00

I had an attack of the guilts this week.

Much is said about the guilt working mums feel as they strive to balance everything and do the best for family and children and careers. I am not sure if we talk so much about "stay at home mummy guilt" so much. Do we? If we do I think I may have missed these conversations.

The Bowler was off color, off his food and had a tummy upset from Monday to Wednesday this week. He was cranky and whiny one minute and sunny and chirpy the next. I couldn't predict the next thirty seconds in our household and it was utterly exhausting. When Thursday arrived and with it the much loved 2 day stint the Bowler usually spends at child care, I wasn't 100% per sure he was ok. It was probably somewhere in the 80 - 90% vicinity.

But I sent him.

I sent him to child care in spite of not feeling sure of how well he was. I was desperate for a chance to collect my thoughts, deal with house stuff (hello, 23,000 baskets of washing) and spend some time at kinder with the Batsman.

And then I felt guilty. All day.
The guilt ate at me, even as I managed to finish a much longed for cup of tea in peace.
Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.
Guilty for wanting and needing to be away from him. Guilty for taking the risk that he would get through the day without being unwell. Guilty for feeling relieved as the Captain strapped him into the car for the child care drop off.
I stifled thoughts of going to pick him up ~~three hours~~ early.
The pit in the bottom of my stomach stayed with me.

Guilt is such a negative emotion isn't it? And you know what, when I went to pick him up at 4:30pm, the staff told me he'd had a wonderful day. He was fine.

I, on the other hand, was a wee bit wrung out from all the inner angst. Glass of wine with your guilt anyone?

Hoot the Owl birthday cake in pictures

2011-08-19T02:22:00.009+10:00

The Bowler turned two on Sunday.
He adores Giggle and Hoot on ABC for Kids so the birthday cake was always going to be a great big Hoot the Owl.

I had big plans to do a step by step of how to make a Hoot the Owl cake but time restrictions over here at the Pavillion have meant that the pictures will have to tell the story.

Hoot hoot.

Juliet Lily

2011-08-18T22:31:00.000+10:00

A little girl came into the world today.

You are so very welcome precious Juliet Lily.

You have the most amazing mummy and daddy.

You have a big sister, Hope, forever missed. Tomorrow would have been her third birthday. Remembered and loved.

You have a big brother too, Angus, a sweet and gorgeous boy. He'll give you a run for your money as you grow though, as big brothers usually do.

You won't know it yet. You probably won't know it for many a year to come, but you are a lucky little girl.

Know that you are loved, cherished, adored, protected.

Have a wonderful life sweet Juliet.

Image via We Heart It

Wordless Wednesday - one foggy morning

2011-08-17T02:00:00.001+10:00

Images by The Captain

Happy Birthday Bowler Boy

2011-08-14T22:05:00.000+10:00

Bold

Boisterous

Funny

Feisty

Affectionate

Chatty

Two years ago you joined our family.

We are so happy you did.

We all love you madly, especially your big brother.

Happy Birthday Bowler Boy

Grateful for joy

2011-08-12T22:32:00.000+10:00

I spend so much time rushing around, doing what has to be done. Perhaps I also rush around doing stuff that doesn't have to be done. Hmmmm.

With the Batsman's autism early intervention program based here in our home, life is highly scheduled by necessity. It works better that way. Everyone gets what they want and need most of the time and the Batsman gets the routine and predictability that helps him tick along with minimal anxiety.

Sometimes though, I feel that while it looks to the outside observer like the family of ducks gliding peacefully across the pond, underneath it is me paddling my little webbed feet at lightning speed to stop us all from going under. When you are paddling like that, you can miss stuff. You can miss the good stuff while you are busy making sure the icing doesn't melt off the side of the cake.

So, I am consciously working on being present in my own life. I remind myself to pause and notice the little moments. The ones that bring joy. The moment where the Bowler says something hilarious. The moment where the Batsman gets his "my", "yours" and "I" right and articulates himself with amazing clarity. The swan we saw tonight flapping its wings to ward off some annoying nearby ducks. The stunning rainbows we have had in Melbourne lately. The first sip of the first soy latte of the day.

Small things. Small moments. Joy.

I'm grateful.

Image via we heart it

A sign from Ivy

2011-08-11T22:17:00.000+10:00

I gave blood the other day.
It was easy, painless and a small commitment of time out of my day.
I feel a bit embarassed that it has taken me until 42 years of age to donate.

When I arrived at the blood bank I was nervous. First time doing something new, the unknown and all that.
The reception staff who greeted me were lovely. The nurse who did the interview with me and to go over the paperwork, not so much. Maybe she was having a bad day, maybe the monotony of blood donors day after day gets boring. Who knows.

As she went through my paperwork and asked me a cavalcade of questions, I sat there nervously feeling like I was sitting an exam and would be kicked out of there any second.

I looked up and there she was. Ivy. Products from donated blood help Ivy 's body to fight against infections which regularly threaten her health. Ivy's mum, Tiff, blogs here and together, Ivy and Tiff, advocate loudly and clearly for the importance of blood donation. Absolutely inspiring. Ivy appears in Red Cross Blood Bank promotional material urging blood donation and it was from one of these poster's that her sweet face smiled at me while I answered the questions of Nurse Cranky.

It felt like a sign.
A sign from Ivy.
It was like she was saying "don't worry, the questions will be finished in a minute and then you can get on with the giving".

So I did.

PS: Later this year Ivy will have a wish granted by the Starlight Foundation. A very special wish. So if you don't follow Tiff's blog, go over and visit and wish Ivy well for her wish day.

Oh, and go donate blood. Really.

Image via we heart it

Wordless Wednesday - chocolate sparkly cupcakes I made

2011-08-10T03:39:00.001+10:00

What the Bowler said

2011-08-08T02:20:00.001+10:00

This boy is almost two.

This boy is full of cheek and daring and an absolutely irrepressible enthusiasm for his ever expanding environment.

This boy is affectionate, sociable and funny.

This boy has a growing sense of humour, loves a laugh and loves his big brother even more.

And he never, ever stops talking.
As he gets older, the words that come out of him keep getting funnier. I am endlessly entertained.

One day this week he woke up from his afternoon nap and he was very cranky. He was cranky in the "do not look at me, speak to me or touch me" way that toddlers all seem to have perfected in their repertoire.
I got him dressed and in the car to head out for a coffee while the Batsman completed the last hour of his therapy session. The whining from the Bowler persisted as I started the engine. I turned to him and said "Have you got your cranky pants on?"

What he said (with dangerous looking frown): "No mummy, got jeans on".

Ok then.

We're going to the circus

2011-08-05T23:17:00.001+10:00

The weekend has arrived.
Phew. The week has seemed long and busy and full. Too full.
I love the weekends. It's time to slow down.
And this weekend there is great fun ahead because we are going to the circus.
A little bit of solo time for me and the Batsman.

I'm grateful to go a wee bit slower for a couple of days and I'm grateful for the businessman who donated our circus tickets. Thank you.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a couch to nap on.

Image via we heart it

In a split second (reality)

2011-07-31T22:35:00.001+10:00

"Because in a split second. It's gone." - Ayrton Senna

We had a bit of a close call here this afternoon.
Dont freak out. Keep reading. Everyone is ok.
But it can happen in a split second.

The Captain was mowing the lawn in our front yard this afternoon.
I was inside cooking, talking to a visiting friend and looking after the Batsman and the Bowler.
The Batsman was watching the Captain through the front window, the Bowler was there too.
I could hear them.
I heard the front security door click and assumed it was the Captain coming back inside.
Wrong.
The Batsman had opened the door to "go and see what Daddy's doing" and in the process our almost two year old Bowler had slipped out the door, off the porch, across the driveway and onto the footpath in front of our neighbour's house.
Thankfully, the Captain was still at the side of the house.
Thankfully, he heard the click of the security door.
Thankfully, he turned his head in time to see the Bowler walking away and could scoop him up before he got closer to the road.
It scared the hell out of us.

Whenever I have heard in the news of a young child being run over by a car, the thought that has often come into my head is "How can that happen?". But probably what I meant really was "How did they let that happen".
Now, that feels like a totally arrogant and judgement laiden thing to have said or thought. Because now I have seen, with my most precious almost two year old, that it can happen in a split second. A moment of inattention, circumstances aligning in a way you don't expect and it can happen so easily.
I'm beating myself up about this tonight.
I feel like I didn't do my job properly.
I know he is ok and nothing bad happened to him. He is so very peacefully asleep in his bed, oblivious.
It still feels awful that he was only a metre from the road.
I know this will feel a little better after a big sleep.
It just felt close. Too close.

Have you ever had a close call like this?

Image courtesy We Heart It

Is anyone else like me? Or how to be a bit clueless in your 99th blog post (reality)

2011-07-27T02:35:00.002+10:00

This Saturday I will be going to Nuffnang Blogopolis.
Am I excited? I have no idea.
Am I prepared? Most definitely not.
There has been no time to think about it.
I have watched the blog posts and the status updates and the tweets float by me on the rapids and I still have not put much thought into gathering with a few hundred bloggers in my home town.
Lots of bloggers have been busily making lunch and dinner and drinks plans, shopping, chatting and drinking copious amounts of coffee. You name it they will be doing it. I have one little plan made to have a sandwich with a lovely one. And that's it.

I honestly have no idea how people fit in all the tweeting and blogging and arranging stuff. No idea. I feel utterly clueless and quite a bit out of the loop. I am too busy, most days, surviving.

Busy days filled with autism, therapy, anxiety, meetings, meltdowns, achievements and wins.

The Bowler whose favourite word right now is NO. Yes I mean "No, I don't want to", "No, it's mine", "No, don't touch it". Someone please send me some strength.

The never ending housework and piles of washing. So. Far. Behind.

Cooped up kids with winter cabin fever wrestling on the couch. I need strength for that too.

Being the kinder secretary. Enough said.

The punishing exercise schedule I have set for myself. 5 kilograms more off my bum by the first day of spring.

All of that. And when I read back over that list I know that I am doing way more than surviving. I am living a full and rich and busy and amazing life with my three boys. The sudden and devastating death of someone I knew well almost three weeks ago has been one of those perspective giving kicks up the bum about getting on with it, about being grateful and about giving it all you've got.

So, I will be literally flying by the seat of my pants all the way to Blogopolis. For the most part, clueless. Really.

Is anyone else like me and completely unprepared for Blogopolis? Are you rocking up with your arrangements all done and dusted or are you crossing your fingers and hoping you find someone you know?

A use for your spray cleaner you may not have thought of (inspiration)

2011-07-22T05:56:00.002+10:00

I went to a kinder committee meeting this week.
They can be a good source of inspiration, these meetings, lots of tips and tricks for all kinds of domestic bliss/mothering mayhem are spoken about in between the president's report, the supper and the general business.

This week I came home with a gem.

A few of us had a chat about weight loss, as you do. I said that one of the things I have found the hardest about weight loss is the children's food at dinner time, the leftovers going begging, a stray piece of sausage, a slice of bread, easily inhaled standing at the kitchen bench.

"Oh no, I've solved that one" boomed one in the group.
"I wait" she said, "until I am sure that the kids have finished eating. I put their plates up on a high shelf and spray the leftovers liberally with spray cleaner. Then I'm not tempted."

Cue much laughter. But I had to acknowledge that while maybe a little extreme, this method had definite potential.

What lengths do you go to to get those pesky kilos off?

Image via We Heart It

The last meal* (reality)

2011-07-21T06:21:00.002+10:00

It has been a few weeks.
Since she was lost.
The house is more often quiet now.

The buzz of endless visitors, all searching for the right words.
Like there are any that can be said. There are none.
Deliveries of flowers, pots of tea, the sound of quiet sobbing.
The silence has settled in now, both welcome and terrifying.

They have eaten, a little, since that day.
Food has flowed like a river to their door.
From the kitchens of those who love them, those who loved her.
Desperate to offer some tiny morsel of comfort. There is none.

It's quiet now.
Casserole dishes scrubbed clean and returned.
It's the human way, it seems.
The busyness of death and in the after, the quiet, the solitude.

She was a cook. Oh my she was a cook.
Their lives full of the delights she cooked for them.
Her way of nurturing, of loving, of being.

He opens the freezer.
Already knowing what's inside.
The plastic container, frosted over.
It's like it stares back at him, unblinking.

The pain of this, for him, is almost unbearable.
He heats the food and it comes to life.
Spice and love all mixed together.
It's the last one. The last meal she will ever cook for him.
Forever.

The sound of quiet sobbing.

*This post is inspired and imagined by recent events in the life of someone I know well. Remembering you always D.

Perfect moment (dreams)

2011-07-20T05:44:00.003+10:00

There was a perfect little moment in the day today.
Two boys who like to be together. They are mates, each delighting in the antics of the other.
There was a blanket spread on the floor, a favourite DVD playing.
There were toasted cheese sandwiches and apple juice and beautiful strawberries.
A carpet picnic. They loved it. A "nic nic", the Bowler called it.
There may have even been a little bit of carpet picnic wrestling. Boys are like that.
But I promise it never got out of hand. Not even for a second.

I am noticing the perfect little moments more these days. I reckon they are there if you look.

What perfect little moments have you had this week?

Image via We Heart It

Grateful for pen and paper

2011-07-15T15:42:00.000+10:00

I think that with all the technology that surrounds me these days, my fingers have almost lost their intrinsic ability to write on paper. Laptops, smart phones, keyboards...all of it making life move faster than ever before. Sometimes when I sit down to write something with a pen, after a few minutes, my hand is aching, so little practice does it have at forming the words manually.

Today I had an idea in my head and I tried so hard to get it to flow out of my brain and through the keyboard. It wouldn't come. I couldn't get that momentum going and I knew that I had to change something for me to get there. I took a notebook and a pen and trundled to my favourite cafe of the moment (likely to be forever actually) and I sat, with coffee in hand, and I wrote and wrote and wrote. The rhythm of the pen back and forth was comforting as the words finally made their way forth.

The words will make their way onto here sometime soon. But until then I am grateful for a little break in the day to write and my trusty pen and paper.

Thanks Maxabella for hosting our gratitude and the image is courtesy We Heart It.

Grateful for life, just life

2011-07-08T22:27:00.000+10:00

This post was going to be about being grateful for some time in the last couple of days. Time to tick some things off the list, pay some bills, tidy the study, clean out the pantry, play with the kids, bake cinnamon buns. Lovely domesticity.

This post was going to be about that.

And then an hour ago I received a phone call to tell me of the sudden death of the wife of a very dear work colleague. Sudden. Random. Indiscriminate. Without warning. Dead. Just like that.

I knew her too. For years.

Devastating.

So tonight I am grateful for life, just life. Everything and nothing. Living and loving. And in a few minutes I will creep into the boys' bedrooms and kiss them with a poignancy and a gratitude made all the more powerful by being reminded how fleeting it all can be, how randomly it can be over.

Hug the ones you love. Tell them. Make it count. Be grateful. Always.

Linking with Maxabella tonight xx

Image via We Heart It

Cake Creation - July

2011-07-07T06:08:00.005+10:00

I love baking. Love it.
A couple of years ago I did a "Beginners Buttercream" cake decorating course which cemented the love completely. I haven't shared many of my cakes on here. I'm not sure why. A little shy maybe.
But I think it is time I did show you. A bit of cake and a whole lot of icing in a once a month post.
Would you like to see?

So, here is my cake creation for July, made for a thirteenth birthday.

Vanilla butter cake filled with raspberry curd and decorated with vanilla buttercream and Petite Summerberry Meringues I bought from this wonderful new providore, Provata - Urban Larder and Cafe.

Wordless Wednesday - sunset clouds

2011-07-06T06:36:00.001+10:00

A new member of the family

2011-07-05T06:56:00.001+10:00

There is a new member of our kitchen appliance family this month.
And I am falling swiftly, deeply, in love with this machine and what it can do.
The Thermomix has come to live at the Pavillion with us while some dear friends live in the Big Apple for seven months. I am insanely envious of their overseas sojourn but am also becoming altogether grateful that their trip has pushed the Thermomix my way.

This machine is AMAZING.
Multifunctional, sturdy, exact and timesaving, the Thermomix is the food processor that cooks as well as does all of your kitchen processing tasks.
Saute, cook and stir risotto. Tick.
Cook and blend soups and purees. Tick.
Sorbets. Tick.
Bread dough. Tick.
Lemon or passionfruit curd. Tick.
Grind coffee. Tick.
Froth milk. Tick.
Grate hard cheeses. Tick.

You name it, this machine can do it. I am still discovering its capabilities and gathering confidence in using it but in a couple of weeks I can already see that this machine is THE kitchen appliance. One of the things that appeals is the ongoing education that comes when you bring one of these babies home. Your consultant stays in contact and there are opportunities to host demonstrations to learn new skills and attend cooking classes.

Once upon a time, I would have gladly stood by the stove and stirred risotto for half an hour to end up with the coveted creamy texture. Having the Batsman and the Bowler has forced me to become less of a purist and more of a pragmatic cook. Putting the ingredients for saffron and silverbeet risotto in the Thermomix, setting the timer and walking away to go and be with my kids is a pretty appealing proposition. Trust me when I tell you that the risotto tasted as good as any I could have slaved over. At almost two thousand dollars, the Thermomix is not a walk in the park purchase but I reckon in the long run it's worth it.

Let's just say I have started saving.

Bread-winners

2011-06-21T15:00:00.000+10:00

Thanks for entering to win a voucher to try out the Bakers Delight Authentic Sourdough. Yum yum.

The five winners are:
Lucy from Diminishing Lucy
Claire from Clairey Hewitt
Trish from My Little Drummer Boys
Sophie
Hope's Mama from Tuesday's Hope

I will be in touch to get your address and a Bakers Delight voucher will be winging its way to you very soon.

Weekend grateful - getting fit

2011-06-17T21:38:00.000+10:00

It's not just the numbers on the scales.
I can feel it.
The flexibility increasing, the strength growing. I can do push ups and survive them.
My stamina is so much better than it was two months ago.
I do the gym circuit class three or four times a week and I work hard for an hour each time. I get to the end and even though I have sweated and puffed, I don't feel completely shattered like I did when I first started.
I can see it too. When the Captain took some photos of me and the boys yesterday to mark my birthday, it was the first time in a long time where I could look at them and feel ok. There's a way to go still, but the photos didn't repulse me. That's huge for me.

I have dispensed with 7.2 kilograms. I am so proud of myself and grateful that I am feeling fitter and healthier.

As always, singing a grateful tune along with Maxabella.
This is a bit drab 2 fab too so I am linking up with Lucy as well. xx

Vintage fitness equipment via We Heart It .

You can never have too many baked goods

2011-06-12T22:19:00.001+10:00

I haven't done anything particularly commercial here on Segovia. It's not that I don't want to. I have just been focusing my energy on establishing things around here.

I believe ~~ferociously~~ ~~vehemently~~ ~~strongly~~ with all my heart that you can never have too many baked goods in your house at any one time. So when Bakers Delight contacted me and asked if I would like to try their Authentic Sourdough, I just knew I had to say yes.

The day the sourdough arrived at our house was a hectic one. Most days around here are like that. On our really busy days, I often keep the Batsman and Bowler's dinner really, really simple. By the end of the day they are usually only interested in eating simple meals. Minimum effort, maximum taste. So in the interests of keeping things simple, I soft boiled some lovely free range eggs, sliced some gorgeous salami I bought at the farmer's market, pitted some kalamata olives and chopped the sourdough into dippable size pieces.

The sourdough was lovely. It was crusty on the outside, soft and moist on the inside. Some sourdough breads can be so strong in taste that they don't appeal to kids. Not this one. The Bowler is into foods he can dip at present so he loved dipping the bread into the egg. The Batsman made little stacks of bread, salami and olives. Sometimes the most simple meals can be really successful.

Would you like to try Bakers Delight Authentic Sourdough at your place? I have five $5 vouchers to give away so that you can go and get some. Remember, you can never have too many baked goods.

The Fine Print:
You must be a follower of this blog to enter.
Leave a comment by 5pm Sunday June 19 and tell me your favourite simple meal.
One comment = one entry.
I have no idea how to use those random things so the Batsman will be drawing lucky winner names out of a hat!
Please leave an email address so I can find you. Email it to me or update your google profile, or your twitter account so I can find you. Or otherwise like my Facebook page so I can contact you that way if you are a winner.
Ready. Set. GO!

All over the place

2011-06-08T22:48:00.000+10:00

I have been all over the place today.
Highs and lows.
I've got a bit of a cold and feel a bit ordinary. It was hard to get moving and get the boys ready for the day. Low.
I still went to the gym and did my class. High.
The Batsman had a great day at kinder. High.
My dad is in hospital having a blood transfusion. Worried. Low.
I made a snap decision and booked myself a ticket to Nuffnang Blogopolis 2011 . High.
In the middle of the day I had an anxiety attack that made me realise I need to get some more help. Low.
The Bowler was spectacularly affectionate all day. High.
The Bowler ate very little from the five food groups today owing to a snotty nose. Low.
I read this post and this one. Moved, inspired. High and low.
The Batsman and I shared a warm deep bubble bath and some songs. He's beautiful that kid. High.

I'm wishing for a smoother day of sailing tomorrow.
Wish for me too please.

Not six feet under

2011-06-07T06:53:00.001+10:00

About once a month at our house, we get a phone call asking the Captain or me to participate in a market research study over the phone. I quite like doing the surveys so I often say yes if it won't be too disruptive to the ~~smooth running~~ chaos of the day. The surveys are on all manner of topics, everything from insurance to politics to media to the quality of particular services. I guess somewhere in my psyche I believe in doing these surveys because while I can whine about the "market" not providing the services and products of high quality that are needed, how will the market know what to provide unless I tell them?

On Saturday afternoon I answered the phone and agreed to do a survey being conducted by the Trust who manages many of the cemeteries and memorial parks in the city where I live.

It was fascinating and has kept me thinking way after the survey ended.

For fifteen minutes a lovely gentleman and I chatted about death and funerals and how I would want myself to be "memorialised" after my death. We talked about burials and cremations. We talked about the costs of these services. We talked about pre-planned funerals. We talked about whether or not I thought it was appropriate that memorial parks and their facilities have multiple community usage for things like festivals, conferences or bereavement education. I expressed the opinion that I don't believe that as a society we "do grief" very well and that I think there is a long way to go to educate the broader populus in how to best support those who are grieving.

The thing that surprised me a little about the survey was how easily and concisely the answers came out of my mouth. Sure, they are things I have thought about and the Captain and I have had bits and pieces of conversation about them but here I was, with a stranger, being completely clear about what I wanted my "after" to look like.
Burial? - no.
Cremation? - yes.
Pre-planned funeral? - great idea but have never got around to doing it
Funeral pre-planned online? - sure.
Ashes in a garden or crypt in the cemetery? - no.
Ashes scattered in a place of natural beauty? - Yes. Yes. Yes.

It felt good not to be conflicted about any of this. It just felt good to know.

Do you do market research stuff? Do you think about questions like these? Do you know the answers?

Postscript: As I finished off this post this morning, a program came on the radio here to discuss death and dying. An End of Life Forum they called it. It's worth a listen if you are so inclined. xx

Image via http://weheartit.com/

Weekend grateful - community

2011-06-04T22:06:00.000+10:00

I love my little community.
I'm grateful for what the local community in our middle of the road Melbourne suburb bring to my daily life and the community experience of the Batsman and the Bowler.

Would you like to meet them?

There is the glorious rainbow of characters who volunteer in the op shop. They can always be relied upon for a warm greeting, a conversation about preserving fruit (I buy lots of jars in there) and an eclectic exchange about the day's best op shop pickings.

The polished and professional boys who work at the post office...they didn't even flinch the other day when I told them I had to send a sample of the Batsman's wee to Paris for an autism study on environmental toxins. We just filled out a customs declaration and away went the wee to France courtesy Australia Post.

The women who work in deli are just lovely. They gently encourage the Batsman to finish his sandwich and milk shake with the promise of a treat to follow. They ply our rowdy Bowler with babycino and Italian vanilla shortbread and minute by minute he is learning all of their names and falling a little in love with their kindness.

In deli number 2, the proprietor chats with me about all things olives, salami and preserved lemons with a side order of autism. He always asks how things are going. He has personal experience of autism.

The florist is warm and boisterous, a salt of the earth type who keeps a parrot in a huge cage out the front of the shop for the local kids to speak to on their way past.

And there's the gorgeous Italian family who run the fruit and vegetable shop who have become like family to us during the last 5 years. I see them almost every day and they never fail to greet me and the kids warmly. The Batsman is so confident with his "fruit and veg" family that he takes off solo to the back of the shop to find "the boys" who deliver tickles and high fives and grapes in equal and generous measure. About once a week I am so very touched when someone from the family asks me in depth about the Batsman's progress in his therapy program. And they always ask, "and what about you, are you ok? Are you looking after yourself?"

I could go on and on about our little community shopping street. I feel so very fortunate that the boys can grow up feeling connected with those around them, that they are a part of something, that there are people who care for them and love to see them in their day to day travels.
I'm grateful little community, so very grateful.

And thanks too Maxabella

Image via We Heart It

Wordless Wednesday...off and running

2011-06-01T14:28:00.000+10:00

So "Bill" me will you? or 10 things that worked in our family restaurant dinner

2011-05-31T07:07:00.002+10:00

Eating out in a restaurant with gorgeous but small children is enough to strike fear into the hearts and minds of even the most stoic of parenting adventurers. Throw in autism with sides of a very limited diet and sensitivity to crowds and noise and you have a recipe for a less than relaxing evening.

Unless, you find the right place. And find the right place we have. *

On Sunday we had a dining experience at our local Taco Bill restaurant and it was a huge success. Huge success as in happy kids eating and happy parents eating too. So here are the 10 things that worked about our Taco Bill's experience:

1. The welcome - the restaurant manager James greeted us like we were old friends, he found out the kids names and exchanged high fives with them.

2. The table. At 5pm on a Sunday night the restaurant was very quiet and we were able to choose our table. The table chosen by the Batsman was next to a window with a very conveniently located train line. We love to watch the trains and the Bowler had a stellar viewing position from his high chair.

3. The ambiance. There was music playing but it wasn't intrusive and even added to the experience of eating our family Mexican. Places with really loud music are way too overwhelming for the Batsman, you can see it in his eyes. He was happy, relaxed and chatty.

4. The entertainment. The very lovely James provided little entertainment bags from here filled with crayons, stickers, paper to draw on and colouring in sheets. Instant hit.

5. The service. Orders taken quickly, food and drinks arrived quickly and we were told, "have a good time, don't worry about the mess, that's our job". You gotta love that.

6. The food. The boys demolished chicken nuggets, wedges, and cheesey nachos. It was appealingly presented and tasty. The proof is in the eating.

7. The drinks. The Batsman and the Bowler shared a lovely caramel milkshake which was not overly sweet. There are some seriously sugary drinks on the menu at Taco Bill so buyer beware on that front.

8. Did I mention the trains going past the window every few minutes?

9. The IPod packed in my bag helped the Batsman make it through the last ten minutes of the dining experience. Angry Birds anyone?

10. The take-home gift and the good bye. There was a little toy to take home for both boys and a personal goodbye from James. The boys talked about him on the way home, such was the impression he made.

While we sat and ate our dinner, the Captain and I talked about how happy we were to be able to share dinner out as a family, with the two lights of our lives. It's something we hope to do more as they grow and we get better and better at reading the Batsman's cues that he is feeling overwhelmed. It all just worked tonight and while we know that not every family restaurant meal will be peaceful and successful,, we have had a lovely window into what's possible.

We have been so completely impressed by our Taco Bill experience. That's why I am blogging about it. This post is completely unsolicited and there is no benefit to Segovia in it being written.
I believe in credit where credit is due.

So Taco Bill Kensington and James. Thank you. You made our weekend.

What has been your most successful dining experience? Do you have any tips for making it all work? Where do you go to eat with your kids?

*unsolicited review

One of the sweetest moments in the day...thank you Giggle and Hoot

2011-05-30T07:56:00.001+10:00

The end of the day for little ones is nigh.
The Batsman and the Bowler are all clean, bundled in warm pyjamas.
Faces shining, hair still a little damp.
They perch on the couch, books and favourite toys close.
Dinner hour craziness is an escaping memory.
The lure of a peaceful house beckons.
Little boys eyes are expectant as the Captain and I join them on the couch.
And then it is upon us.
One of the sweetest moments in the day.
As Giggle and Hoot serenade my boys to bed.

Hoots Lullaby

What a day its been, What a magic day Shhhh can you hear the moon is on its way.
It's time for all the stars, that sparkle in your eyes, to fly through the night and light up the sky.
What a day its been, laughing with our friends, now that the sun has sunk into its bed.
It's time for Hoot to go and watch over you at night, fill your head with sweet dreams under soft moon light.
And soon the smiling sun will rise again... and light the way to a bright new day.
"see you in the morning"... hoot hoot

Both the Batsman and the Bowler's eyes light up when Giggle and Hoot grace the screen and especially so during the "goodnight song".

And for me, the proudest mum in the world, it's just one of those wistful, sweet, sweet moments where I receive the gift of watching my children while they are enthralled in something they love.
Sweet, sweet love.

What are the sweetest moments in your day? Do you love Giggle and Hoot?
Image

Do you hide the vegetables?

2011-05-29T08:24:00.001+10:00

I do.

I know that not everyone is a fan of hiding vegetables in food for their children. In an ideal world I know that all of our kids would be sitting down to a delicate saute of six vegetables but it just. doesn't. happen. here. Not with the Batsman. You can read all about his love hate relationship with food here. Thankfully the Bowler has not followed in his big brother's "Captain Beige" food footsteps and is having a red hot crack at every food you put in front of him.

So back to the vege hiding. I am a card carrying member of Jessica Seinfeld's Deceptively Delicious brigade. She has come up with purees I have barely even heard of and wow, can she hide vegetables. My favourite place to hide them is in muffins and cakes. During the Great Zucchini Glut of 2010 we did Chocolate Zucchini cake and I have had big success with both boys eating Pear, Almond, Zucchini and Carrot muffins.

This week I happened upon some very cheap sweet potatoes and I went in search of a muffin recipe that could incorporate them. I found one here. The Frugal Girl is a fabulous blog with loads of ideas for "cheerfully living on less". Kristen, who writes it, hosts a link up each week called Food Waste Friday where people post photographs of food that has been wasted in their household that week, as a means of motivating everyone not to contribute to the massive amount of food the world wastes. Go check it out, it's fascinating.

I had to adapt Kristen's recipe a little, mainly because I wanted to use fresh sweet potato not the American canned version. I also added some cocoa to make them extra chocolatey.

So here it is:

Sweet Potato & Chocolate Chip Muffins
4 eggs
2 cups sugar
450g mashed sweet potato (without butter, salt, or milk)
3/4 cup milk
3/4 cup oil
2 cups plain flour
1 cup whole meal flour
4 tablespoons of cocoa
2 teaspoons bicarb soda
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3 or 4 handfuls of chocolate chips

In a large mixing bowl, beat eggs, sugar, pumpkin, milk, and oil until smooth. In a separate bowl, whisk dry ingredients together. Add dry ingredients to liquid ingredients, and stir just until combined. Fold in chocolate chips. Fill greased or paper-lined muffin cups 3/4 full. Bake 16-20 minutes at 180 degrees. Makes around 40 small muffins.

And here they are:

They were beyond delicious and four hungry children cheerfully put away a dozen of them after swimming lessons this morning.

All hail the hidden vegetable.

Do you hide veges to get extra goodness into the family diet? Do share your ideas. I'd love to hear them.

Weekend grateful - a friend

2011-05-27T11:10:00.000+10:00

I have missed a couple of weeks of Weekend Grateful.

Life got in the way of being grateful. Oops.

But this week I am back. Being in the presence of gratitude for what we have in our lives is a lovely thing. Thanks Maxabella.

This week I am grateful for my friend T. I am so very fortunate to have her in my life.

She is the voice of reason. The one who, when I am full of angst about something, says “Yeah, except I’m going to be the voice who says.....” and all of this wisdom comes out. She gives, both the wisdom, and the friendship, without expectation or judgement. She has stuck with me but not crowded me. She loves my boys and watches them grow with the pride of the proudest aunty. She writes postcards and letters to the Batsman with pictures of trains and penguins, whatever she knows is his latest craze. The joy on his face as he fetches T’s latest offering from the letterbox is pure gold.

My friendship with T is one of those ones where even if we don’t speak for a while, there is no gap in the communication. We talk about everything and anything. We tolerate each other’s football team choices.

I saw T yesterday. We had coffee and a chat. I told her about my never ending to-do list and how when I get some time to complete some tasks without the boys with me that I am often struck by the paralysis of what to do first. Quick Suz, make the most of the time. Productive. And then came the wisdom.

T said, “how about instead of thinking about what you’re going to do, you think about what you’re going to be?”

A to-be list instead of a to-do list. More gold. Thanks T.

PS: I’m also grateful for this post. You made a huge difference yesterday Bianca. If you haven’t read the post, read it and follow Bianca. She has good stuff to say.

Another PS: I’m grateful to have lost 4.9kg and crashed through a weight barrier I haven’t been under for way too long. This woman is my inspiration. Thanks Lucy. You should read her blog too. In a “to-be” kind of way of course.

Image via weheartit

The Captain and me

2011-05-26T08:00:00.002+10:00

The Captain is the broad shoulders that sometimes carry all four of us.

The Captain is the one who always says "it's ok, it's gonna be ok".

The Captain is so very often the calm in the storm, the one who is happy to wrestle on the floor till there are giggles all round, the one who puts out the rubbish without complaint and empties the constantly overflowing dishwasher.

The Captain always reads my blog and tells me what he thinks. He reads your comments too and even though he is not a big blog reader or commenter, he is getting to know bits and pieces about this blogging community of ours.

Big things and some small things but all of it keeps everything chugging in our little home.

Sometimes when the "two of us" becomes the "three of us" and then the "four of us", the "two of us" can get a little bit lost in the traffic jam. We don't mean for that to happen, it just does. We have planned a little one night getaway in a couple of months time, just so we don't forget the "two of us".

So I just wanted to share a pic of my beautiful man and me (bad res pic - sorry!)

He's been having a bit of a tough week so send a bit of blog love to the Captain will you?

Necessity as the mother of invention or how about some quiche?

2011-05-25T08:30:00.001+10:00

This is not a food blog.
But I adore food. A little too much I think.
So when I discovered the tub of very lovely, very expensive smoked trout dip in the fridge with a next day expiry date I couldn't bear to waste it.
Given that I am doing my best to reduce my blogger butt, I decided that it wasn't the best plan to consume a whole tub of dip in an evening.
So the fridge rummage began in search of a solution.

And 8 eggs
whisked with the trout dip and half a cup of cream,
some chopped herbs,
some shortcrust pastry from the freezer,
a little bit of oven time
and we have this

It was delicious. The Captain and the Bowler mowed it down. The Batsman not so much. But that's ok.
I reckon you could make this with any flavour of cream cheese based dip....yum.

I love a bit of necessity as the mother of invention in the kitchen.
What has been your best (or worst) invention in the kitchen?

Just keeping myself useful, love.

2011-05-15T08:00:00.001+10:00

I love visiting the op shop. I may have said that here before.

I love browsing through old books, vintage clothes and kitchen treasures.

I love picking up a bargain - a book for the Batsman or the Bowler, some great new jars for preserving, some rugged old camo pants for the Bowler to ~~cover in spaghetti bolognese~~ wear at child care each week.

But there is another reason why I make a point of dropping in to the little op shop up the road.

This week I made my usual visit to the op shop.

I bought a book for the Bowler and a lovely old vase.

But the prize of the day, by far, was a slot car set for the Batsman. It's a treasure I have been seeking for a while. Awesome. Complete with cars. He already loves it.

I took my purchases up to the counter and there he was.

He has one of those faces. Craggy with age, ready smile, his face the launching pad for the million stories I reckon are stored inside.

I don't know his name but I do know that his wife died a couple of years ago.

He works at the op shop, like all the others, as a volunteer, as a service to his local church and community.

His face lights up when he sees I want to buy the slot car set.

He eagerly tells me that he has tested the whole thing, checked every piece, made a couple of repairs and it's ready to race.

"I've even had it going up on my kitchen table" he tells me. "It's a beauty".

I thank him, genuinely and profusely.

I am moved that at around 80 years of age, he has gone to those lengths to prepare a toy to go to a new home.

He seems a little embarassed by my gratitude and mutters "it's nothing darl" under his breath as he takes the coins I give him.

I tell him it's not nothing and it will mean hours of fun for my boys.

"That's terrific but you know, I'm just keeping myself useful love".

It's the people. That's the other reason I'm always at the op shop.

Wherever we are in life, at whatever age, stage, station or rung of the ladder, it's about people.

Do you love op shopping? What do you buy?

What everyday human encounter have you had recently that has moved you?

Image

The Happiness Project and what I learnt from it

2011-05-14T15:20:00.000+10:00

This past month I have participated in the Happiness Project, a lovely blogging for life idea hosted by the very gorgeous Naomi at Seven Cherubs. A simple project, the HP required all who participated to keep a one sentence a day journal about what made us happy on that day.

Today is the day when the posts of all those who participated link up in one very happy little gathering.

Here is mine. You can read others who have linked up here.

April 10
A half hour on a rainy Sunday afternoon curled up on the bed with the Batsman, watching the curl of his eyelashes and the delight in his eye as a new book unfolds...and the moment where the Batsman, watching the Captain planting vegetable seedlings with gardening gloves on, races with intent into the bathroom and comes out wearing a hot pink loofah glove, all ready to help with the gardening.
April 11
A half hour on the computer with no interruptions, the Bowler sleeping for almost two hours mid afternoon and a new book purchase on making preserves....jam and jelly here we come.
April 12
The rain drizzling down on the newly planted winter vegie seedlings, two little boys enjoying home made baby cinos, the arrival of beautiful pink cupcake papers, pear and cinnamon pudding baking slowly and a spontaneous rendition of "When You're Happy and You Know it".
April 13
The buzz following my 6am gym workout
April 14
Meeting an old friend and coffee, sweet coffee
April 15
Beautiful photographs hung on the wall by a professional picture hanger....I could sit and look at these photos all day.
April 16
Good coffee.....I'd like some more please.
April 17
Getting to the bottom of the washing basket - small miracle.
April 18
A trip to the gym at 6am (so proud of myself for getting out of bed) and an aquarium visit where the Batsman managed his sensory issues sooooooo well
April 19
The most divine Lebanese dinner with two lovely friends and children that go to bed peacefully on time.
April 20
A wee bit of weight loss and seeing my boy have a red hot go at learning to ride a scooter.
April 21
A little bit of me time with some music, a cup of tea and a gourmet traveller magazine.
April 22
Good Friday fish and chips with friends with chocolate in abundance and an Easter egg hunt with plenty of action
April 23
Making hot cross buns from scratch
April 24
A 12 hour roasted leg of lamb and duck fat roast potatoes.....oooo la la
April 25
A solo walk through the Fitzroy Gardens in the autumn sunshine
April 26
Watching my boys frolic among the autumn leaves and our beautiful Batsman really master his scooter riding.
April 27
Getting my over indulged Easter butt out of bed and to the gym at 6am and a friend offering to take a turn to record minutes at the kinder meeting
April 28
A sparkiling clean house - thanks Marj! - a coffee with my old boss and realising that I don't really miss work and date night with the Captain to see "I Love You Phillip Morris"
April 29
A brilliant report for the Batsman at our 6 monthly developmental paediatrician appointment and a gorgeous, sunshiney Mummy and Batsman excursion to the Queen Victoria Market which produced THE juiciest sweetest strawberries I have ever tasted, a chicken and Chinese rice wine ready for poaching and a ~~calorie free~~ spicy lamb borek that just oozed with flavour.
April 30
A haircut, a massage from the myotherapist and a date night to see a concert at the Melbourne Recital Centre to see these guys.
May 1
The farmers market for fresh chinese greens, a slow day for everyone, some bewdiful chocolate and a snuggle with the Batsman on the couch.
May 2
Getting motivated to do a circuit class at the gym, making it to the other end of the whole gym hour and the Batsman initiating to do a wee in the loo all by himself. Oh, and losing 2.3kg in 3 weeks makes me pretty happy too.
May 3
Ginger cake rich with golden syrup, a playdate for toddlers and a warm bath to soak away the sore muscles from yesterday's exercise class ~~debacle~~ achievement.
May 4
Gym work out and pilates in the one day and a total of 3.3kg dropped in 3 weeks of healthier living
May 5
Poached eggs on toast, alone, and completing the task of wrapping up home made jam and relish for the kinder Mother's Day stall
May 6
Being told by the childcare staff what a joy my Bowler is to look after and how happy and mischievious and inquisitive he is at child care
May 7
The Batsman helping himself become accustomed and less fearful of the dark by playing a lovely pre-bedtime game of "now it's light" and "now it's dark"....joy and excitement and daring are in his voice.
May 8
A mother's day sleep in, cuddles with my boys and a wintry afternoon inside at the beach house, watching the waves chop around and the dark grey clouds roll over us.
May 9
The Batsman's achievements at his OT appointment were many and varied this month and that always makes my heart sing.
May 10
I heart Pilates, stretching and learning to move my body well makes me happy.

So that was my month of happy moments.
And what did I learn from it?
Well.....
I think I already knew what makes me happy but I think what I fell in love with all over again is being present, being in the moment and being there to notice the happy moments. Not rushing so much that they pass you by in a blur. Showing up for the good stuff, trudging through the hard stuff and realising that there is "nowhere to get".

So......what makes me happy are
my kids and my man,
cooking as therapy,
blogging,
looking after myself,
small moments,
friends,
coffee.

I am fortunate. I have a great life. I'm glad I stopped to notice.

I want to go with her

2011-05-08T15:01:00.003+10:00

They spent almost their whole lives together.

He, gruff, sometimes cranky but with a heart of gold beneath the bluster.
She, gentle, with a ready laugh and a finely tuned sense of the humour and ridiculousness of life.

They loved each other. It was always clear.

They raised a family. Two sons, one of them my father.
They worked, cared, grew vegetables and tended snapdragons and stocks and marigolds in their garden.
They welcomed and deeply loved four grandchildren.

There are cherished memories of vegetables in the garden, of trips to the royal show, of playground visits, tram rides and a thickly iced pink match filled with cream from the cake shop in Puckle Street.

Then came 1983 and with it cancer. Insidious, painful lung cancer. She hadn't smoked a cigarette in her life.

She struggled through treatments but the cancer spread and pain bristled cruelly all over her body. You could almost see it, creeping through, wreaking its destruction. Fucking cancer.

They came to 1984. Late May. She could fight no more. Palliative care would be her last tram stop. She lay there, unconscious, her bed surrounded with love and hope. He sat beside her, holding her hand, willing her to go on, but knowing she didn't have it in her. Much love, but little hope.

Next day. Etched forever. He fires a bullet from his boyhood shotgun through his brain. Kitchen floor, the worst discovery. He dies at midday.

She lives on, for another 17 hours. Not conscious but still breathing. Something within her knows it's time to let go. She dies peacefully.

Some months later, there is a note, found tucked inside his favourite gardening book. I don't remember the exact words but the message was clear.

"Forgive me, I want to go with her."

They loved each other. It was always clear.

Nan, wherever you are, Happy Mother's Day. I miss you and I wish you could have seen your great grandchildren. They are sunshine.

Pop, I love you and I miss you too. And I understand, I do.

Image

Weekend grateful - on the road

2011-05-07T22:50:00.000+10:00

This week I am grateful for being on the road.
I am on the road to getting fit and fab after 3 weeks of healthier eating and much more exercise.
The scales have it - 3.3 kilograms gone. On the road.

Playing along with Lucy too. I really like the idea of drab 2 fab. It opens up all kinds of possibilities.

And this weekend our little cricket team is on the road too.
We are soaking up a lovely winter weekend at the beach. Warm house, rugged up kids, rosy cheeks, flannelette pyjamas, playing trains on the floor. I love my boys, so very much.

And as always grateful to Maxabella for the opportunity to pull some gratitude out of what is sometimes a bit of a quagmire!

I don't care about Osama, I just want this...

2011-05-02T22:32:00.000+10:00

Image by Simon Howden/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Wishful, wishful thinking.

United in grief, strong in love

2011-05-01T14:11:00.002+10:00

I lost two little babies, miscarriages early in pregnancy. One was the Batsman's twin and I look at my big four year old boy and I wonder, still, what his twin would have been like. Boy or girl? Fair or dark? Reserved like the Batsman or boisterous like the Bowler? On the road to giving myself some peace after the losses of the little ones we never came to know, I have met some of the most extraordinary women one is ever likely to find.

Grief stricken.

Fearful.

Brave.

Sad.

Hopeful.

Courageous.

Generous.

Strong.

Kind.

Awe inspiring.

You all know who you are don't you? Sal, Carly, Sophie, New Year Mum, Angie, Catherine and so many many more. Too many women with so much sadness.

I am proud to know you. You inspire me to be a better person.

On International Babylost Mother's Day I acknowledge you. I will always stand beside you, online and in person, in your grief, your hope, your sadness, your joy.

Extraordinary women who wish they had never been brought together by loss but remain always, united in grief and strong in love.

If you want to know more about International Babylost Mother's Day, go here.

I cook therefore I am

2011-04-28T07:17:00.001+10:00

I love food. I love cooking. There, I've said it.
I haven't written about food a lot on here. ~~Probably being obsessed and besotted with my children means I write about them a lot.~~ I'm not sure why.

Cooking, for me, is therapy. It soothes the savage beast within. It coaxes out my creative side. I'm good at it, most of the time.

We had our Easter break at home this year. It was lovely and we needed time out from having the Batsman's therapy program be the major ingredient of the family living cake. In between trips to the park, coffee at cafes and a footy match, I cooked. Like a demon. If cooking is my therapy then clearly I am in deep metaphysical and psychological trouble!

So I thought I would share with you what I have cooked over the last few days. Food, glorious food.

I made 3 dishes in the slow cooker to parcel up and freezer stash for kid friendly meals - a chicken korma, a chicken/mushroom/basil pasta and braised osso buco.

I roasted a leg of lamb for 12 hours until it was buttery and falling off the bone. Scented with cumin, garlic and lemon, the lamb was our Sunday Easter dinner.

I made the cheese sauce the Bowler loves to infinity and back and froze it, ready for thawing and dipping.

I simmered tomato relish and apple/berry jelly to bottle up for the kinder's Mother's Day extravaganza stall.

I baked flourless chocolate and lime cake and ANZAC bsicuits to get us through the sweet cravings this week.

And there was these. I think this is the cooking achievement I am most proud of this weekend, maybe ever.

Apple and cinnamon hot cross buns from scratch. I have always been a bit timid about doughs and bread and yeast. Frightened of "rock like" disasters perhaps. And then I baked the lovely Liss' from Frills in the Hills recipe for scrolls and they were lovely and gave me the "rise" (pardon the pun) of confidence I needed to tackle the hot crossies.
Here they are:

They were delish.

Did you do any cooking over the Easter break? What yummy things did you make?

It was the women who got me in the end - ANZAC Day 2011

2011-04-27T10:37:00.002+10:00

It was a day at the football. But this day was a little different because it was the traditional ANZAC day football match at the Melbourne Cricket Ground in the heart of the city. I was so very fortunate this year to be one of the 90,000 people who held a ticket to be there. This match is a spectacle, a ceremony of sorts, that reveres and honours those who fought and died, those who are still fighting on behalf of and for Australia. Without getting in to the very complex "whys" and "what fors" of our participation in modern wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, I still believe, with all of my heart, that we must honour and respect those who enlist themselves, now and in the past, in complete and utter service of their nation and its defence.

I have been to dawn services on ANZAC Day before and found them extraordinarily sobering and moving. There is something amazing though, at the ANZAC day footy game, about the silence of 90,000 people in a stadium, hats removed, eyes held respectfully as the Last Post is played. Stillness, quiet, reverence, respect. It's like the quietest of churches. I am incredulous every time, to hear the sound of the crowd transform from footy barrackers to the silent, honouring mass and back again. Extraordinary and moving. There are tears in my eyes as I take it all in.

The tears started a little earlier for me this year. A motorcade before the main ceremony honours servicemen and women who represent each of the wars Australia has participated in. The crowd stands and applauds these individuals who no doubt stand for many, many countrymen, fellow diggers and friends.

It was the women who got me in the end. It was the two women who sat in the back of an open car, waving jauntily, smiling and acknowledging the crowd who honoured them who made my tears flow. We hear, at least to my way of thinking, primarily about the men in war. The men in the front line, their valour and their courage, in harm's way and protecting their mates with every ounce of their beings. It has only been in more recent times that it feels like there has been more mention of women and their contributions and service. Women historically have taken on a multitude of roles in war - as nurses and other frontline assistance, as "paid labour" doing "men's work" back at home and in voluntary organisations like the Red Cross. But as I watched these two women being driven around the perimeter of the field, it was the presence of the emotional burden of war carried by women that moved me so. They looked not to have a care in the world but the reality of their contributions, and of so many women like them, must have meant fear, enormous and solo responsibility in families, comforting frightened children, a shortage of resources and the grief and trauma of losing the men they loved.

The two women in the motorcade smiled. I felt the presence of their service, courage and contribution. I cried. It was the women who got me in the end.

Lest We Forget.

Wordless Wednesday - Aquarium

2011-04-20T10:34:00.000+10:00

Weekend grateful

2011-04-16T21:17:00.001+10:00

Image by Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This week I am grateful to get to the end of the week. Yep, that's it. After a busy, crazy, chaotic week, I am so grateful that it is the weekend. Everyone over here at the Pavillion has Monday off and we have an aquarium visit planned. Can't wait.
Thanks Maxabella!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-04-13T12:30:00.001+10:00

Weekend grateful - breakfast solitude

2011-04-08T12:46:00.001+10:00

Image by tokyoboy/FreeDigitalPhoto.net

A cafe with just enough hum to be company but not so much to intrude into my peace.
The loveliest soy latte I have had in a while.
A plate filled with sourdough toast, peaches and fresh ricotta, all drizzled in maple syrup.
The newspaper.
A book.
A little bit of solitude.
Just for an hour.
Bliss.
Grateful.
And grateful to Maxabella for this weekly opportunity to reflect on gratitude.

My first bloggy makeover

2011-04-06T10:48:00.000+10:00

Things have changed a little around these parts. I have a gorgeous new blog design and I am completely in love with it. The equally gorgeous (actually she is way more gorgeous than my blog) Sass did the design and I am sure you will agree she did a wonderful job. She was friendly and fabulous and funny to work with and made the whole process completely hiccup free.

Sass also did a makeover for me over at my other blog. The I Love You Song has a new look too so please pop on over there and have a squiz.

Blogs by Sass does custom blog design so you can have whatever your little heart desires and Sass also does templates which are easy peasy and lovely to boot. So please go and check them out. Sass would love you to say hi.

Gone fishing

2011-03-28T19:02:00.002+11:00

The Captain's father died this morning.
Suddenly.
He had been on a little holiday. He had done a spot of fishing in a beautiful coastal spot.
He got on a bus to travel toward home. He fell asleep. And then he died. Just like that.
All the other passengers got off the bus and then someone noticed that he was still sitting in his seat. Gone fishing.

The Batsman went to kinder this morning. We had only known about Pa for half an hour. The "how do you explain death to a child"question still hanging heavy.
The Batsman headed straight for the drawing table, his usual first starter.
I watched him. A quick drawing and he was off. Scuttling over to a game he had seen in a corner of the kinder.
A fishing game. With a couple of little fishing rods with a string and magnet on the end. Fish swam in a "pond" with paper clips stuck to their backs ready to be caught.
And the Batsman, he caught fish. Just like that.
The grandchild generation. Gone fishing.
--------------------------------------------

He was a gentle man, the Captain's dad. He was one of those people about whom others say 'he doesn't have a mean bone in his body'. And he didn't.
He had his problems. The grog wreaked havoc on mind and body over the years. The pokies took their toll too. He wasn't a well man.
But he was gentle and kind. He was quiet but always had a little joke to tell or a trick to show the kids.

This Christmas just gone, he did something special and unexpected for the Batsman and the Bowler. He made their Christmas gifts. A truck and a cement roller, made out of wood, crafted with his hands and tools. They came emblazoned with the boy's names and decorated with stickers from the two dollar shop. It would have taken his shaky hands hours to make them.
They are beautiful and will be treasured across lifetimes.

Farewell Pa.
We will miss you.

Weekend grateful - flotation devices

2011-03-25T19:51:00.004+11:00

Image gratitude

My last post wasn't a happy one. I am not in the greatest of places. But I know in my heart it will all get better in time. In the meantime I am grateful for everyone who has been helping to keep me afloat. The comment love was wonderful to receive and has buoyed me through the last day or so. Today has been a more peaceful day, in my heart and head, and that is in no small part due to the "floaties" everyone gave me here.

Thank you. I am ever so grateful.

On thoughts provoked and drowning

2011-03-23T16:10:00.002+11:00

So many wonderful posts have been written about the inaugural Aussie Bloggers Conference. You can read them here. It was an extraordinary weekend, it really was. There have been summaries, succinct and to the point, there have been blow by blow accounts, rambling and weaving, and there have been snapshots, posts that have captured a single (often hilarious or moving) moment in time. All these posts record, for all eternity, the Aussie Bloggers Conference in all its glory, for those like me who were there and those who were not.

I wanted to be among those early posts. I really did. But the demands of a Batsman very anxious upon my return, the daily slog of his early intervention program, a kinder committee meeting, a deluge of other stuff and nonsense all rolled up in a hangover just didn’t allow it to happen. More on that later.

The weekend provoked a lot of thinking for me and I remain in a neurological tussle to process and make sense of it all. Here’s the shorthand version of what it has made me think about.

• I met amazing women. Such a privilege to meet those I have long admired, read, cried and laughed with. And there was this guy, who I think is beautiful and funny.
• People are their blogs. Authentic, raw, gutsy, funny, moving.
• Why am I blogging? What it’s all for?
• What will I do about reviews and sponsored posts and the $ generally?
• Social media – tweet tweet
• Privacy – mine, my kids’, protecting all of us
• Do I really want my mum to read my blog?
• Keeping it real. Content is queen.
• Blogging as community. Extraordinary community.

Like I said, it was an extraordinary gathering. Thanks to the organisers who made it so.

So, it has taken me till now to blog about the conference. There’s a whole lot of reasons and I know I don’t need to make excuses, tell you why, justify my bloggy timetabling and all that but I think, through my insomnia last night I have got to some real stuff. I want to share it.

I haven’t blogged about the conference till now because in all truth, it made me a little bit sad, about me, about who I used to be, not so long ago.

Once upon a time, maybe a year or so ago, I would have been more confident, less anxious and fearful, more willing to let it all hang out, less worried about whether others would like me, more able to bounce around and introduce myself to people, more able to be in the centre of the action, less, way less, self conscious. It’s not so now and the conference weekend allowed me to see all that.

Truth is, once the adrenalin of the weekend faded a bit, what was there was sadness. Isolation. Fear. Overwhelm. Anxiety. All of it. Can’t really write that on a feedback sheet can you?

The last eighteen months has been tough, there’s no denying it. The Bowler’s birth and sleep depriving ways, confronting the Batsman’s diagnosis with autism and the craziness that has brought to our family life has all taken a toll. While I probably look to lots of people to be managing it all and coping with the rollercoaster ride, in reality it’s a struggle. It’s fucking hard in fact. And I am pretty damn good at saying to myself, “hey Suz, look at what that person is going through, you are ok, you’re lucky, get on with it”. I don’t let it in because that means loosening that very tight grip I have on it all. The old me, the one who was a little more carefree and a lot more fun; she has been hanging so tightly that she’s at least in part, disappeared from view.

But today, on the third day in a row of waking up feeling sad, teary and overwhelmed, I said to the Captain “I feel like I’m drowning”. Drowning in stuff that needs to be done, drowning in the pressure I feel to do all that I can for Batsman as he struggles through “autism town” and drowning under the weight of my own expectations of myself.

I walked on the treadmill at the gym this morning, with tears welling while Pat Benatar sang in my IPod about it being a cold world when you keep it all to yourself. Gawd, doesn’t that sound like a soapie episode? Does anyone cry while they are in the middle of a gym workout? Probably someone who is depressed and anxious and struggling does. And did I mention how utterly exhausted I am? All the way through my bones.

So here I am. I am putting it out there with all of you. The weekend was amazing and I am so grateful to have met so many gorgeous people. But it wasn’t all sunshine and roses for me. I want to be real about this and it’s so bloody scary to do that.

But I don’t want to drown.

50 things you don't need to know about me before the Aussie Bloggers Conference

2011-03-17T22:10:00.002+11:00

So, I am going. Tomorrow night. To Sydney.
I have loved reading people's 50 things about me posts. I find them a fascinating insight.
So here's mine. This was tougher than I thought it would be.

1. I was born in Melbourne.

2. The hospital where I was born was turned into apartments.

3. I love coffee, chocolate and all baked goods.

4. I am heartsick about leaving my two boys and going to the conference. They are in the best of hands though, with the Captain left in charge.

5. I am prone to anxiety and depression and never more so since my Batsman was diagnosed with autism one year ago.

6. I am a full time SAHM.

7. I have spent the last 10 years working with refugees and asylum seekers. I loved it and was sad to resign from it in January.

8. Sometimes I feel like all I think about is autism.

9. I love to give and receive a beautifully wrapped gift.

10. I hate the daily family cooking but I love the cooking where there is time to make something from scratch. Slow cooking is therapy for me.

11. Once upon a time I was a kindergarten teacher. I have no idea how I could ever do that job now.

12. I adore blogging.

13. I think the community building in blogging is extraordinary.

14. I live in a house that my great grandparents built in 1929.

15. I have lived in that very same house since 1992.

16. I used to be married to a policeman. We lasted 6 looooong years.

17. The Captain and I met on the internet.

18. On our first date, we sat in a restaurant and talked for five hours.

19. I would love to have more children if my body did pregnancy a bit better.

20. I am about 12 kilograms off my ideal “fighting weight”.

21. I wrestle with expecting the extraordinary from people and lowering my expectations so as not to be disappointed.

22. There is a pile of books in my house waiting to be read that numbers approximately 37. Half of them are related to autism.

23. I have an attraction to Ma.ccas drive through that is just not right.

24. I buy about 95% of gifts I give online.

25. My life doesn’t work without lists.

26. I adore making kids birthday cakes and cupcakes.

27. I am 41, almost 42 years old.

28. Mothering is the best and hardest thing I have done in my whole life.

29. My biggest fear is dying before I see my boys grow up.

30. I love Michael Buble, David Gray and John Farnham music, in any order.

31. I have very curly hair and a hair straightener.

32. I really don’t like wearing heels.

33. Licorice all sorts are a bit of an obsession.

34. I am patient with my kids most of the time but not so patient with people who are full of themselves.

35. Peanut butter and honey together on toast. Yes, please!

36. I just read “Freedom” by Jonathan Franzen. 500 and something pages and I am not sure I understand what all the fuss is about.

37. Sometimes I go to the gym and sit in the cafe and blog instead of doing my workout.

38. When I have time to myself, i find it difficult to unwind and do “me” stuff.

39. I hope the Captain and I get married one day.

40. My heart sings when I hear of acts of kindness.

41. I am definitely left leaning.

42. I really don’t like speaking publicly.

43. I often wonder what I will do when my kids go to school.

44. I love and loathe F.acebook

45. My cook book collection numbers over 120 and I am obsessed with food magazines.

46. Unlikely that the 12 kilos will come off while the obsession with cookbooks, food magazines and food remains.

47. Both my boys were born by c-section and pilates has helped me get it back together in the aftermath.

48. I have found it hard to right a list of 50 things about me, that are not about my kids.

49. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

50. The end.

Weekend grateful

2011-03-12T20:13:00.002+11:00

This weekend I'm grateful for...

An Hour of Pampering - I had a pedicure this afternoon. It was blissful and just what I needed after a hectic week. The lovely Vietnamese women in the shop where I go, giggled and chatted to each other in their mother tongue. It sounded like music and it felt ok to close my eyes fleetingly.

Heartfelt - This amazing organisation is going from strength to strength. Tonight they had a segment on a national news program. This week they will open a very special exhibition in Melbourne. They have given their wonderful gift to at least two people I know. I am so grateful that there is an organisation that does such extraordinary work.

Home - As I prepare to go to Sydney for the Aussie Bloggers Conference, it feels good to be home this weekend. To puddle around, to wander down the road to the farmer's market, to catch up on washing, to play in the backyard. Home. Grateful for it. Lucky to have it.

Happy 100 Gratefuls Maxabella xx

Image from We Heart It

It seemed like a good idea

2011-03-11T08:00:00.003+11:00

Image by Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

One week from now I will have packed my bags. I don’t think it has hit me yet. That I am going to Aussie Bloggers Conference.
In Sydney. Next week.
Today it became a lot more real when my “business” cards arrived by post. They look gorgeous (if I do say so myself).
I’ve got myself some clothes to wear (notwithstanding an inevitable last minute shopping frenzy).
The Captain is looking forward to his “daddy time” weekend with the boys and my mum has been marshalled to help with the Saturday morning swimming lesson expedition. So they’re all sorted.
The thing that’s probably not sorted is me. My thoughts about going to the conference are a big, messy jumble. So I reckon the best thing is to put them here, to purge them from swimming around up there, to let them roam around in bloggy land.

So here goes.

It seemed like a good idea when I bought my tickets but now I’m nervous. I’m nervous about “belonging”, nervous about so many new people in one hit, nervous about making new friends.

It’s really hard to leave my kids. It will be really good for me to have a break but my heart hurts when I am not with them.

Travelling really raises my level of anxiety. I’ll be all right when I get there but flights and schedules and boarding calls make me anxious.

I am in awe of being in a room with so many accomplished, amazing women. It’s a little hard to wrap my head around being part of that. Do my humble little blogs qualify me for this?

I really want to blog more, to build this thing. I really hope that being at the conference will help me carve out a way to do that in this life. I honestly don’t know how you all do it.

I am not sure what I will do when I step into a hotel room and I am alone. No lunches to make, bums to change, or disputes to referee. But also, no hugs to give or receive and no goodnight kisses. Hmmmmm. I am sure I can find someone at the conference to hug if I need to.

Reading a lot of people’s “pre-conference” posts, it occurs to me that there will be a lot of emotion, of all kinds, when we are all in a room together. Now that will be amazing.

This blogging community is coming together.

I can’t wait.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-09T23:05:00.000+11:00

Image Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I need your passion (fruit recipes)

2011-03-08T13:37:00.000+11:00

So this is what is growing at my house.

Passionfruit. Literally hundreds of them. The vine is sagging under the weight of them. I am picking up around fifteen each day from the ground. I've made passionfruit yoyos and passionfruit slice. I've eaten them with fruit salad and drunk them in Allie's punch recipe. They are sweet and tangy and bursting with flavour. I'm just not sure what to do with them all.

I know I can freeze them for a rainy day but I thought I would throw it open to you to bring me your passion (fruit recipe) and share with me in a comment if you or your mum or your nan have something you cook with passionfruit. I would dearly love to build up a little collection of recipes because I figure I am going to have this "problem" on a yearly basis. Aahhh yum, what a terrible problem to have.

Wordless Wednesday - Cake

2011-02-09T14:36:00.000+11:00

Weekend grateful - snuffle

2011-02-05T19:26:00.001+11:00

This week I am grateful for
tissues,
antibiotics,
more tissues,
our wonderful family doctor and
the Captain cooking dinner for us tonight so I can have a little time to myself.

Yep, you guessed it, the dreaded lurgy is in the house. The Bowler has a cold that has developed into a chest infection and I have a cold that I am desperately hoping does not go down the same path. I have spent the best part of the last 4 days with a 17 month old who has not let me sight and had to be glued to my hip at all times. While the extra cuddles have been lovely, I am ever so grateful that he is fast asleep now and I can get some sleep too.

I love joining in on Maxabella's weekend gratitude. It's good for the heart and soul.

Lovely is simple, simple is lovely

2011-02-04T08:30:00.014+11:00

The Batsman will turn 4 next Tuesday. My baby boy, my first born, will be 4 years old. When he turned one we had 100 people at his birthday party - he howled all the way through happy birthday singing - but nevertheless it was a joyous celebration.

Since the Batsman was diagnosed with autism, it has given us lots of insights about how to do things (and not do them) in ways that will support him to participate with the minimum of anxiety and the maximum of fun. He really struggles with big crowds of people and us having a house full of friends and ~~outlaws~~ relatives isn't really conducive to him (or us) having a good time. So this year for his birthday we did small and simple. Six children and seven adults. Small, manageable and intimate.

There was fairy bread

And fruit

There was a little party table with lollies and rice chips

And animal plates

There was a lion cake that I made

Lollies to take home

And he loved it, all of it.

Lovely is simple, simple is lovely.
I think all our birthday parties are going to be like this.
Love you buddy, Happy Birthday

PS: I also blog about our autism journey over here at the I Love You Song. I would love you to come along for the ride with me

Plastic un-fantastic

2011-02-03T08:00:00.008+11:00

It happened on the Batsman’s 1st birthday. It was the day when I first saw the craziness of this. As a deluge of birthday gifts arrived at the party for our precious first boy it became apparent. Do tell, what is the deal with the extraordinary level of plastic packaging around children’s toys?

I remember coming home from his party with the swag of presents he had received. We began to unwrap them, to enjoy them with our little guy. The pile of wrapping paper as well as plastic packaging, plastic ties, tags and other assorted bits of ~~crap~~ plastic quickly became much larger than the pile of toys themselves. It bothered me. IT IS RIDICULOUS.

I have tried very hard ever since to buy gifts that are not over packaged in this superfluous, environmentally unfriendly way. There are so many beautiful “eco” toys and gifts on the out there, one only has to do a quick “Goggle” to find them.

The Batsman and the Bowler often receive lovely gifts when the special days roll around and yesterday I had the occasion to attempt to “de-package” one of them for today’s play. It’s an ~~ark~~ fishing boat complete with ~~Noah~~ a fisherman and an assortment of lovely animals. Here it is:

And here is the amount of packaging we had to unfurl to get to it:

There is a box, an inner box, some other bits of cardboard, 23 (yes 23!) cable ties holding pieces in place and a few other bits of “not plastic fantastic”. It took almost 20 minutes in my ~~carefully planned~~ chaotic day to undo it all. Like I said, ridiculous. Now I am not so naive that I don’t understand the role packaging plays in marketing, presentation and perhaps even (as the Captain pointed out to me) prevention of shoplifting. But for the love of loopy mums and dads everywhere, you can’t possibly convince me that this amount of packaging is even necessary, never mind the planet health implications.

So I know this is not one of the biggest issues going down right now. But it bugged me. It bugged me enough to sit here and write a post about it. It left me shaking my head at our human “wisdom”, that we think we need to use precious resources this way, boiling up a whole lot of poisonous chemicals to do it.

What do you think about the “not plastic fantastic” issue? Have you had any recent moments where you’ve been left shaking your head at the crazy stuff we humans do? What efforts (no matter how small) do you make to counter our overuse of plastic?

Wordless Wednesday - for Queensland

2011-02-02T19:53:00.000+11:00

Weekend grateful - cricket team

2011-01-29T15:48:00.002+11:00

This weekend I am grateful, ever so grateful for my life and my loves.

Image

Yesterday I went to the funeral of a 22 year old young man who took his own life. I taught him at kindergarten eighteen years ago. I can still picture his cheeky little 4 year old face. So great was his anguish and mental health distress in recent months and years that he just couldn't stay. One can't help but be struck by the great irony of a funeral with almost 1000 people there who loved and admired this young man, yet he couldn't find a way to stay. The images that will remain with me from the saddest of afternoons...a family torn apart but managing a group embrace that will keep them together to weather this awful storm and rows and rows of twenty something young men, weeping and sobbing as they farewelled their mate. Utter tragedy. Such a fragile existence we all live.

Image

So, I'm grateful this weekend, for my life and my three great loves, The Captain, The Batsman and The Bowler. My little cricket team.

Image

PS: This is the first time I have joined in the Weekend grateful from Maxabella - I'm grateful for that too.

Where I blog - today at least

2011-01-27T09:59:00.000+11:00

I don't really have a set space for blogging. We have a study but it is ~~a pigsty~~ less than inviting. I tend to move around the house with laptop or netbook depending on what is happening in the day...sometimes it's the kitchen bench so I can look at a recipe or two as I go. Late night blogging happens on the couch, where the later it gets the further I sink into the cushions, whoops, fallen asleep. When I really want to ~~stay awake~~ concentrate, I sit at the kitchen table. I guess you could say I am a bit of an itinerant blogger, but I'm sure there's lots of us like that. With the Batsman's autism early intervention/therapy program based at home, sometimes it's best if I can get myself out of the house. He (and the therapists) can get on with their work and play and I can stop that nagging little feeling of ~~guilt~~ discomfort that I have that it should be me doing ~~all~~ more of the work with him. Besides, it's lovely to be out in the world with some good coffee, some fruit salad (thanks Lucy for the inspiration this morning) and the buzz of the traffic and trains past the window. So today I blog here and it's gorgeous.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-01-26T10:33:00.003+11:00

Pretty Saturday....better late than never

2011-01-23T23:09:00.000+11:00

Three pretty things from my week.

Pretty zucchini flowers

Pretty wild iris

Pretty gorgeous boy doing some adventure walking in the park

May your week be filled with great beauty.

A little peace

2011-01-16T21:25:00.001+11:00

I don't really know what to write here. I am numbed by the pain and loss which is around so many in the blogging community this week. I am in awe of the suffering of those who found themselves at the mercy of nature's flood rage and the generosity and spirit of those who came to help them.

Fuck. It's a lot to take in. Parents without children, children without parents, families without homes. Breathtaking and gutwrenching.

I sometimes retreat to this song when I feel overwhelmed. It's gentle. It gives me a little bit of peace. The lyrics are beautiful. And so, I am sharing this here. I wish for all, a little peace.

In the morning when the moon is at it's rest,
You will find me at the time I love the best
Watching rainbows play on sunlight;
Pools of water iced from cold night, in the morning.
Tis the morning of my life.

In the daytime I will meet you as before.
You will find me waiting by the ocean floor,
Building castles in the shifting sands
In a world that no one understands,
In the morning.
Tis the morning of my life,

In the morning of my life the
Minutes take so long to drift away
Please be patient with your life
It's only morning and you're still to live your day

In the evening I will fly you to the moon
To the top right hand corner of
The ceiling in my room
Where we'll stay until the sun shines
Another day to swing on clothes lines
May I be yawning

It is the morning of my life
It is the morning of my life
In the morning
In the morning
In the morning