this time last year

The hallway previously used for pacing up and down.

This time last year it felt hard to breathe.
Sending our big boy, the Batsman, off to primary school after 3 long years of autism early intervention work and incredible closeness felt like having a limb removed.

This time last year I watched the clock.
I paced.
I phoned friends for support.
I obsessed and worried.
I was a pain in the arse to live with and be around.
I slept poorly.
I drove past the school to see if I could glimpse him in the playground.
I cried.
I ate for comfort.
It wasn't my finest hour but it was part of what it took for me to let go of him a little, hand him over to others at his school and trust that they and he could make his prep year happen together. And they did just that. I was part of it, sure, but last year was the first time I'd had to surrender full control of supporting him and helping him learn and being there when it was hard.

What a difference a year makes.
There have been no tears from anyone and very little worrying.
I have largely sat back and marveled at him stepping back to school and grade one like the most natural thing in the world. He is truly amazing.

Today I sat in a cafe for almost two hours with a friend who is close to my heart. We didn't really have a care in the world. We weren't watching the clock. We lingered over our lunch and our coffee. It was nothing at all like "this time last year". It was great.

And it feels pretty amazing to have reached this place, at least for now.

my family and me 4/52

australia day is one I have such mixed feelings about. pride, shame, gratitude, hope. we are so very fortunate but I know we can do so much better.

here we are all together on australia day. we are so very lucky.

to those who were here in the beginning - from my family to yours, acknowledgement and respect.

to those who've come across the seas - from my family to yours, welcome, welcome, welcome.









Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

my family and me 3/52

first time ferry ride.

so much excitement and a breezy summer day.

not a great family shot but the memories of the day are definitely ones to keep.

heatwave

I took this photo of the clouds just now and then I had a cool shower. It was lovely to do that.
I really needed to wash off the last four days of the heatwave. It feels like so long since it's been cool. The time has dragged. It's not that long, not really. But in the midst of almost a week of 40 degree temperatures it felt like forever.

While the water ran over my head I thought about the week. It's been very unpleasant but really we are pretty lucky to have the worst of our problems be things like some uncomfortable sleep, keeping the dog cool, working out what to eat or where the next icypole was coming from.

I keep thinking about those in danger tonight.  There are so many who are fighting fires, defending their homes and property, protecting their livestock and just trying to stay alive in the danger that bushfire brings. We have a family holiday house in a fire prone area but if a fire comes we can really just pack up and leave. It's a holiday house, not a home or farm filled with memories and treasures and our livelihood. I can't imagine, not really, what it's like to have to make the choice to stay and fight or pack up and leave. It must be terrible.

We visited the Halls Gap area where some of the worst fires are tonight, back in March last year. It was stunning and we loved our visit there so very much. While the water dries from my shower I will be thinking of the good people of Halls Gap, the beautiful bush and the amazing wildlife and willing with all my might for them to be safe.

my family and me 2/52

a wonderful day in the city with people we love

christmas windows

yum cha deliciousness

ice cream

laughter

you get to choose the extra special people who become part of your family

my family and me 1/52

new year's day car selfie

we do some of our best family chats in the car

some of the best blues too.

back

I went missing. I went missing for quite some time from this little space.
Life called and I answered.
I didn't go far. I still played around and chatted on twitter. But I didn't blog.
The words didn't come and there was just too much living to be done.

Our beautiful Batsman, our eldest, continued to live awesomely with autism by starting primary school without a tear (from him) and continuing on to have a happy, achievement filled year as a school boy. It has been truly amazing to watch all the hard work he has done and we have done with him, come to fruition.

The Bowler became more of the man I imagine he will be. He is determined, loud, sensitive and funny. A force of nature and a constant reminder to live life loud and full, he has had an absolute ball at kindergarten and child care and no doubt will again in 2014. The Bowler stepped out from behind the long shadow cast by his big brother's extra needs and took big size 13 steps forward. We are so lucky to have him.

As a family we shared beautiful meals, weekends away and a week at our favourite farm hideaway, In many ways, as the boys grow and become more independent, we have become an even closer little family unit. So much fun, good stuff happened and stretches out ahead of us too. We have some wonderful friends and family to share it with. Life is so very good.

In November, this most very beautiful puppy entered our lives, our family and our hearts. I had thought that "getting a dog" was all about the kids. How wrong I was. Falling in love with our guy Buzz was a little unexpected but so very welcome. 

While I was missing there was so much and nothing to do, all at once. I needed so very much to catch my breath and find my own space after the last three years of intensive therapy for our big boy. And I did that. Yet the nature of the beast (me) is to involve myself, to do stuff, to meet people, to be busy. In 2013 I read books and listened to audio books, I drank lots of coffee and ate lots of beautiful food. I had three gorgeous weekends away with some of the best girlfriends anyone could have. I had my hair cut with a fringe. My blog was given a makeover by the equally talented and lovely Sharnee. I LOVE it! I cooked and cooked and cooked and kept finding new depths of my passion for food and creating it. I helped raise money for the autism organisation dear to our hearts. I supported other mums and dads just beginning down their own autism road. I reveled in those chunks of time where it was just me in the house. Just me. 

As the year entered its last quarter, I had the good fortune of a prize winning jar of jam in the Royal Melbourne Show. A little old order form for family and friends became 410 jars of jam made and sold. It was amazing and affirming and exciting. But more about the jam factory another time. 

For now, I'm just happy to be back.
Happy New Year and may 2014 be all you wish it to be and more xxx