I am everywhere and I am nowhere.
The end of the year came and went. So did Christmas and holidays, days melting together like some kind of stressed out lava. My head too cloudy to think of a coherently titled blog post.
Exhausted and anxious.
Everywhere and nowhere.
There was some rest in January. There was play and some cleaning out of all the extra stuff, both physical and metaphorical that has filled my world since the Batsman's autism diagnosis almost three years ago. Our home based therapy program is over and the Batsman is going to primary school. Eager, excited and ready. Me, not so much.
Everywhere and nowhere.
I'm marking time until school begins proper on Friday. Everything I have done in the last three years has been leading to here. I feel kind of numb. Empty. There is no one word or emotion that can describe how I am feeling.
Everywhere and nowhere.
I must carve a new path now. I must learn how to live without the intensity of daily home therapists, appointments and the utter crazy, chaotic and exhausting schedule of an ABA program at home. Never would I have thought I would miss it but somehow I do. I miss the structure, the sense of purpose, the adrenalin. I'm not sure who I am any more. I am about to go looking.
Everywhere and nowhere.
Lots of great posts were written in the near shadow of the new year. So many people had the clarity to pinpoint a word or a collection to be their talisman for 2013. I watched these posts with great interest and a little envy but for me, the words wouldn't come.
Everywhere and nowhere.
So I am here now, on the cusp of the year's second month and I have six words. Six words that I am going to work to live into this year.
Play and fun.
Balance and peace.
Fit and strong.
I will let you know how it goes.
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So much love and luck to you and the Batsman. Time for you to step out of the shadows xxx
ReplyDeleteIt's your turn now lovely. You will always have to be here for him, you will always have a role, but it will shift. I wish you nothing but love with your 6 words and can't wait to see where they take you x
ReplyDeleteI might just steal three of the words, three might have to be enough - Play, peace and strong.
ReplyDeleteBe kind to yourself and know that all of the hard work you have all put in over the past 3 years, and all of the love and work you will continue to give to your beautiful family, will be worth it. Take care xo
ReplyDeleteIt's such an odd transition, isn't it? Sam has just started too.
ReplyDeleteTake some time to get used to it. Then try to take some of it for just you and your soul. It's my plan.
I hope that Batsman has made the transition nicely.
ReplyDelete