I’ve been thinking a lot this week about what it means to find “the right words”. It seems to me that a lot of the angst, the challenge and the potential beauty in our world is about that very thing….finding the right words…..at the macro level, the micro level and the level that falls somewhere in between. Are the right words the ones that land well in someone else’s world, that don’t offend or upset, that achieve the speaker’s desired outcome, that comfort or make someone feel happy or loved, that agree with someone else’s opinion….?
I guess it depends on the situation, the giver of the words and the recipient as to what it actually means to “find the right words”. It can mean so many different things….
• Me finding the right words to encourage the two and a half year old Batsman to eat his dinner.
• Barack Obama finding the right words at the G20 summit to achieve the co-operation of the world’s leaders.
• Me finding the right words to “encourage” the Captain to finish the planting in our newly landscaped garden.
• A footballer finding the right words for a speech thanking his family as he accepts a best player award.
• Local shopkeepers finding the right words to attract the shoppers after the opening of a huge, new, potentially customer stealing supermarket nearby.
• Us finding the right words to say we can’t make it to a family dinner because we are clinging to the routine we have for the Batsman and the Bowler as a way to promote some sleep and preserve some sanity.
• Finding the right words to write on a bereavement card for someone who has suffered unimaginable loss.
And in here, in blog land, finding the right words for a post and finding the right words to leave a comment on someone else’s blog.
With my own posts on my own blog, I don’t think so much about “the right words” because the blog is my creation and a way to express myself and what I think and feel. That doesn’t mean I don’t think about the reactions of others to what I write. I do. And I like to think that I will never be insensitive to the feelings of others as they read my posts. Saying that, I know that others may not always agree with, like or identify with what I write. And that’s ok. Our differences make the world go round.
I try to post comments on as many of the blogs I read as I can. It’s a lovely thing to receive and to give feedback. I have been excited and touched to receive the comments of others on my relatively new blog. It’s here though that I sometimes struggle with “the right words”, particularly with commenting on the blogs of baby lost mamas. I worry about saying the wrong thing, about offending or about not offering the words that comfort or support. It’s hard. There won’t always be agreement and sometimes there will be controversy but in the end I believe we blog to understand and to be understood and that search for understanding can lead the way in the journey we are all on.
All I can do, all any of us can do, is to speak from a mind that thinks and a heart that loves and if we do that, I reckon the right words will come.
September 26, 2009
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Vey well said Suz. I often will write a comment on someone's blog but then decide not to leave it in fear of not having the right words. I worry about it being perceived differently than I may have meant it and in turn doing more harm than good. xx
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written. I think you found just the right words here.
ReplyDeleteIt is very difficult to pick the right words. Especially in situations, like blogging, where your words are sent out there all 'on their own' as it were. No accompanying intonation, no facial expression, no eye contact. Just your words.
I'm sure I sometimes say the wrong thing, that I leave misjudged comments and words which are, on occasion, just plain stupid. But my intentions are good even if my words are occasionally the wrong ones. xo
You write beautifully.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with words in print, is often they can be misconstrued or their true purpose misunderstood. Spoken language has so many more nuances and nonverbal cues.
At the end of the day my motto is always that it is better to say something than nothing when it comes to bereavement and if it comes from the heart then it will rarely be the wrong thing. My own experience is that no words are often worse, especially in real life.
But it is hard to find time to comment on all these wonderful blogs!!
It took me a while to feel comfortable leaving comments. Everything sounded so wrong. Now I trust people will know my good intentions and not misinterpret.
ReplyDeleteWords seem to fail me a lot lately .