The overwhelm is here again.
It visits too often. Unwelcome, unyielding. Buffeting and rough on the mind.
I wish it away but wishing never quite does it.
I know that there is too much on, too much on my plate. I know this.
But what I don't know is how to take it down a notch and let everything in my head calm down.
My to-do list has reached magnificent proportions and it is both my friend and my mortal enemy.
The big thing I do know is that I am not very good at saying "no". I am a capable gal and I have lots of skills. I am someone that others look to, to help, to lead, to be involved.
So why can't I say no sometimes and keep my commitments at manageable levels?
Do you have any suggestions for me? How do you manage it?
I suspect it might have something to do with this.....(as seen on a recent visit to Abbotsford Convent).
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Help please.
This post reads like it could have spilled out of my head. I really wish I were better at saying NO.
ReplyDeleteI think I take on more work because I don't want to disappoint anyone (anywhere). The closest I come to saying no is to call screen. It is one small element of control and it can also help me to prepare for a conversation that may result in me taking on more work by not saying no. , if I can plan a response to the likelihood of more work it is easier to say no. Doesn't always work but it is better than nothing. Good luck.
When you find the secret can you please tell me too?
ReplyDeleteI say no way more than I say yes these days. Partly because I'm pregnant and exhausted and just can't physically do it all. But the rest of the reason I can't even really explain - that's not helpful at all, is it! It's just a sense that I can't be everything to everyone. I think it just comes with practice.
ReplyDeleteLike Megan, I have learnt to say no. It takes practice.
ReplyDeleteScreening calls can be good too, as it gives you a chance to work out how to say no. Saying no doesn't mean being rude, it means looking after yourself and your own family first.
I also use my phone as a way of keeping things under more control. I've started keeping all my appointments, dates, etc in the calendar. Then when asked to do something, whether it be face to face, over the phone, by email, I check the calendar - too many dos on days in a row mean a no - I don't know why, but having it there in front of me and looking before I commit helps.
x
Saying thank you but no is a skill and perhaps an art too. The person I most need to say no to is myself. Being interested in everything is a problem!
ReplyDeleteBut saying no also means saying yes. Yes to space, a bit of peace, some calm , more sleep. Yes please !
I know the feeling of overwhelm too well too. Saying no is the hardest thing. I've had to retrain my automatic 'yes' response. Prioritising ourselves (and in my case my health) is a one day at a time thing. I make lists, cross off the unimportant or unrealistic. I hope the overwhelm lifts for you soon. x
ReplyDeleteHi Suz! I completely understand this, I love a full life but I often overfill the plate and on things that I shouldn't. I recently did a Work Life Balance Workshop and something that really helped me was this: Think of your core priorities - Relationships/Friendships; Work; Yourself; Environment (being your home); Family; Finance; Health; Spirituality/Convictions/Beliefs.
ReplyDeletePriorities them 1-8 starting with what you cannot afford to loose. Essentially a priority should sit above everything else it effects.
It took a while but I realise Yourself is number 1, because if I wasn't here, nothing else would matter. Then my health (mental and physical) was next because without that, the rest would suffer. My convictions and beliefs third and it effects how I work, how I raise my family, everything I do every day. It's who I am. 4 is family, 5 is relationships, 6 & 7 are work/purpose/passion/hobby and environment because I can't work out which impacts the other the most and Finance is dead last, cause if I have no money but I have all those other things, I think I'd get by. Was a really interesting exercise and once you have your order you make your decisions from it. If it is a decision based on Family, and it has a negative impact on only on things below it in priority order, do it. If it has a negative effect on things above it, say no, let it go. I dont think the way I explained it does it justice, but say the house needs cleaning (environment) but you want to go to the gym (Self/Health), GO. TO. THE. GYM! Self trumps Environment! Could be applied to commitments in your life too.
I dont know, maybe this helps you, I know once I realised that the things I was putting all my energy and stress into (the house, money, pleasing friends) was effecting my health, family and ME, it was clear what needed to come first. Your order might be different but this actually helped me. Love to know your thoughts?
Just a thought..life will overwhelm you if you let it. People often ask others to do stuff just on the offchance that they'll say yes or because they've said yes and have too much on their plate..or because they are saying no and want to pass the load on. There is always a right person for a task. If you say yes and it doesn't sit right you are actually depriving someone else of doing the job who is right for it. So, learn to say NO and give the unknown person the opportunity to take up what is really theirs. Don't let life overwhelm you by accepting it all..decide what is rightfully yours to take from it and leave the rest. I hope this helps and I hope you not only preserve what is good for you but are deciding to be assertive..it's good for everyone in your life.
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