lunch on a friday

beautiful gardens

warm day

new friend

shared values

acknowledged realities

no bullshit

chicken sandwich

water bottle

mutual respect

and in the end, that's all there is.

How it feels to let go of some stuff

Back when I wrote this post I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed and depressed and anxious.
Life and everything I had taken on was weighing heavily. It was all too much.

I have been doing some regular work with one of those professional mental health people and together we have put in place some strategies for dealing with the anxious when it comes. One of the big tasks that I knew was there to be done was to downsize my commitments. I knew that I really needed to stop saying yes to everything, start saying "no" or "I don't have the time to commit to that project".

I have quit my part time job.
I have finished my two year role as secretary of the kinder.
I have said "no" to other requests that have come my way.
I have limited the number of nights out that I have in a week (although that gets tricky come the silly season).
I have not missed my twice a week pilates class.
We went on a farmstay holiday to one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen.
I am making a conscious effort to slow down and be in those moments with the boys instead of worrying constantly about the next thing on the to-do list.
I am spending more time doing the things I love - cooking and reading and hanging out in the backyard. Working with beautiful food and creating dishes in my own kitchen is a true place of happiness and feels like a completely valid therapy/meditative experience.
My Christmas plans are in place and they are smaller and more achievable than the craziness I came up with last year. Home cooked Christmas presents here we come.

All of this has helped so much.
I am calmer. I am more present. The anxiety is a smaller beast. When it visits, I am more able to cope. There is still a way to go though. I have to watch myself because my personality regularly leads me to a place of saying "yes" too often and ending up over-committed and miserable.

But for now, where I am feels good.

A little peace

I don't really know what to write here. I am numbed by the pain and loss which is around so many in the blogging community this week. I am in awe of the suffering of those who found themselves at the mercy of nature's flood rage and the generosity and spirit of those who came to help them.

Fuck. It's a lot to take in. Parents without children, children without parents, families without homes. Breathtaking and gutwrenching.

I sometimes retreat to this song when I feel overwhelmed. It's gentle. It gives me a little bit of peace. The lyrics are beautiful. And so, I am sharing this here. I wish for all, a little peace.



In the morning when the moon is at it's rest,
You will find me at the time I love the best
Watching rainbows play on sunlight;
Pools of water iced from cold night, in the morning.
Tis the morning of my life.

In the daytime I will meet you as before.
You will find me waiting by the ocean floor,
Building castles in the shifting sands
In a world that no one understands,
In the morning.
Tis the morning of my life,

In the morning of my life the
Minutes take so long to drift away
Please be patient with your life
It's only morning and you're still to live your day

In the evening I will fly you to the moon
To the top right hand corner of
The ceiling in my room
Where we'll stay until the sun shines
Another day to swing on clothes lines
May I be yawning

It is the morning of my life
It is the morning of my life
In the morning
In the morning
In the morning